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Song Parodies -> "Helium Crunch"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

Original Performer:

Don MacLean

Parody Song Title:

"Helium Crunch"

Parody Written by:

Michael T. Mondak

The Lyrics

We are currently in the midst of a global helium shortage, which is affecting florists and party stores.
Long, long time ago
I can still remember
How those balloons just made me smile

I knew if I had my chance
I could make some females dance
Because sometimes their kids would smile

But now we face a big-time issue
Making people cry in a tissue
Bad news on the doorstep
How can I take just one step?

I can't recall the time I cried
When I lost a balloon to the tide
Something touched me deep inside
The day helium ran short

We're seeing a helium crunch
Because of huge demand for it
And its prices are too much
Eventually, the helium will run dry
And that will be the day that I die
That will be the day that I die

Did the Congress make a big mistake
To take helium away from our own wake
By the year twenty fifteen?

And do you think their voices got high-pitched
Can a balloon save you from getting snitched
And make your parties so colorful

Well, I love to pass out lots of balloons
Cause Saturn has a lot of moons
But back on our own turf
You can teach me how to surf

I was a heartbroken Pennsylvania man
Who became Penn State's friendly balloon man
But I knew there's so much demand
The day helium ran short

I started singin'
We're seeing a helium crunch
Because of huge demand for it
And its prices are too much
Eventually, the helium will run dry
And this will be the day that I die
This will be the day that I die

Now for all twenty-two years of my life
I never learned to play the fife
But I've always been a balloon fan

I first got one when I was three
I actually got two, you see
One yellow and one baby blue

Even today I can tell you now
I claim to have lots of know-how
I have a balloon collection
The world's largest selection

Just wait until my girlfriends see
Their friendly balloon man on "Jeopardy!"
Then they won't understand that we may see
The day helium runs short

We started singin'
We're seeing a helium crunch
Because of huge demand for it
And its prices are too high
Eventually, the helium will run dry
And that will be the day that I die
That will be the day that I die

Back on the campus one President's Day
I passed out balloons to kids on Family Day
Someone told me they were a hit

It wouldn't have been very festive
Without balloons I had to give
Even though I could have been expelled

But that's not the outcome that took place
The dean of students had a look on her face
They dropped my enrollment
Oh, why did this happen, n'at?

My aunt Michele thinks it was spring break
That everybody had to take
I felt this in my own wake
The day helium ran short

I continued singin'
We're seeing a helium crunch
Becuase of huge demand for it
And prices are too high
Eventually, the helium will run dry
And that will be the day that I die
That will be the day that I die

Oh, there I was on one Friday
On campus on my balloon day
With over forty balloons to give to some girls

So come on, jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack Flash jumped over the candlestick
Cause fire is the devil's only friend

That was years ago and to this day
I still love to dance the night away
Remember those bygone days?
I relive them anyways!

Balloons are the source of happiness
Becuase I'll eventually reminisce
About my long gone childhood and
The day helium ran short

We're all singin'
We're seeing a helium crunch
Becuase of huge demand for it
And its prices are too high
Eventually, the helium will run dry
And that will be the day that I die
That will be the day that I die

I met a girl who loved balloons
And I asked her for some happy news
She just kept her mouth shut and stayed clam

I drove back to that party store
Where I used to get balloons before
But the girl there said there aren't any more

Around the world, the children cried
Scientists dreamed, and parents sighed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells were all broken

And the three girls I admire most:
Charlotte, Laura, and Missa Eaton
I skipped right by with my last balloon
The day helium ran short

And we were singin'
We're seeing a helium crunch
Because of high demand for it
And its prices are too high
Eventually, the helium will run dry
And that will be the day that I die
That will be the day that I die

One last time, we were singin'
We're seeing a helium crunch
Because of high demand for it
And its prices are too high
Eventually, the helium will run dry
And that will be the day that I die

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.3
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   2
 2
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 4   1
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 5   0
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User Comments

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Phil Alexander - November 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Nice idea, but a really tricky one to stretch out to a song the length of American Pie - and there's way too much of the OS left in, and loads of rhymes missed.
Roger Wood - November 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Not an easy one - nice try.

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