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Song Parodies -> "Molester Guy (The Ultimate Michael Jackson Experience)"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

Original Performer:

Don MacLean

Parody Song Title:

"Molester Guy (The Ultimate Michael Jackson Experience)"

Parody Written by:

Mike Armstrong

The Lyrics

From Mike: This is the ultimate in Michael Jackson songs... i hope... just remember that it's all in fun, and you're innocent until proven guilty... hahahahahaha.From Armstrong: Please take the time to read the whole thing, no matter how tedious you may think it is.=) It was great to collaborate again. If you enjoy this song half as much as I enjoyed writing it I'll be happy.
A long long time ago
I can still remember
How his music used to make me dance.
King of Pop, then in ten years
King of all parental fears
Stickin his hand down adolescent's pants.
Now his demeanor makes me shiver,
Freakish voice that sure makes me quiver.
Bad news on the front page.
Go after someone your age.
I can't remember if I cried
The day he turned from black to white.
"It don't matter", he replied...
Today, his legend died.

So bye bye, twisted molester guy.
Michael Jackson's been relaxin
With his hand on a thigh.
He never shoulda slept with somone who's nine.
C'mon we all know that he isn't right.
We all know that he isn't right.

So he sang bout Billie Jean.
She saw his face, then she turned and screamed.
Mike, where the hell'd ya go?
He thrilled us with that moonwalk stuff.
And that glove, couldn't get enough.
Can you tell me how he met Deb Rowe?
Well, I know he settled out of court
But that plaintiff sure seems pretty short.
You went on tape to cry.
And the boy wouldn't testify.
You are a lonely mid-aged freaky man
with a place for kids that you call Neverland.
Oh well Mike you ain't Peter Pan,
And so, your legend dies. We all are singin

Bye bye, twisted molester guy.
Michael Jackson's been relaxin
With his hand on a thigh.
He never shoulda slept with somone who's nine.
C'mon we all know that he isn't right.
We all know that he isn't right.

Now for ten years you have sold like farts
Since dangerous has left the charts,
But that's not how it used to be.
When the Jacksons sang at the Apollo
With some moves they got from their pa' Joe
And a voice that led a dynasty.
Oh the Motown sound sure had the knack.
We all would scream "I want you back".
The world fell at your feet.
WHOA Mike you were so sweet!
And while Barry Gordy paved the way
You split the group that fateful day
And turned yourself from black to grey
And now, your legend dies. So we're singin

Bye bye, twisted molester guy.
Michael Jackson's been relaxin
With his hand on a thigh.
He never shoulda slept with somone who's nine.
C'mon we all know that he isn't right.
We all know that he isn't right.

Neato Tito, Jacko's like a guido
Imag'ning a 9 year old in a Speedo.
8 days at his creepy plaaaace
He's landed far out of grace.
The surgeons tried for a brand new face
With the lawyers and their lawsuits giving chase.
Well, the Gary air sure smelled like stool
While the Jackson's went zero to cool.
We all embraced the fame.
Whoa, how could we foresee the shame?!
Now ol' Michael has sure hit the skids.
The sponsors hide their contract bids.
And all the parents hide their kids
Because his legend dies. We all are sayin...

Bye bye, twisted molester guy.
Michael Jackson's been relaxin
With his hand on a thigh.
He never shoulda slept with somone who's nine.
C'mon we all know that he isn't right.
We all know that he isn't right.

Oh, now we crowd around TV sets
Allegations we won't forget
He's out of time to start again.
So c'mon Jack be honest, Jack be true.
Jacko what the hell's wrong with you?
Sucks that Liz Taylor's your only friend.
And as I watch your fans protest
You're choosing which child to molest.
"Beat It" might have been nice,
The slammer will suffice.
And as I think back on your glory days,
Pepsi ads, Your hair ablaze,
When your face could handle those sun rays,
But now, your legend dies. And we're singing

Bye bye, twisted molester guy.
Michael Jackson's been relaxin
With his hand on a thigh.
He never shoulda slept with somone who's nine.
C'mon we all know that he isn't right.
We all know that he isn't right.

I met a girl, Lisa Marie
And I asked her if she'd ever see
A guy who used to be so swell.
And I went down to the record store,
Where I first heard "Thriller" years before
But the punk there said that Jacko didn't sell.
And in his yard, the yaks, they run,
The lawyers bill and the lawsuits come.
But they can't get one near him.
The children, they endear him.
So the three things that could cause a smile
Indictment, plea, and a jury trial,
They are still missing by a mile,
And still his legend dies. Now we're singing...

Bye bye, twisted molester guy.
Michael Jackson's been relaxin
With his hand on a thigh.
He never shoulda slept with somone who's nine.
C'mon we all know that he isn't right.
We all know that he isn't right.

Bye bye, twisted molester guy.
Michael Jackson's been relaxin
With his hand on a thigh.
He never shoulda slept with somone who's nine.
C'mon we all know that he isn't right.
We all know that he isn't right.
Comments welcome. We appreciate your time.

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Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 5
 3
 
 2   2
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   4
 2
 1
 
 5   16
 18
 20
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ethan Mawyer - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
wow... this was absolutely perfect... except the motown exec is berry gordy not Barry. But i'm not holding it against you just telling you to make this masterpiece slightly better
Johnny Pyro - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Now....THAT'S a parody!!! :)
Diva - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
That says it all about MJ!
X-MCG-X - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Hit the nail right on the head man.
Loosekanen (The Armstrong) - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
DANGIT! We only spent about 2 hours editing this... can't believe that got by me. lol. It's the imperfections that make you know it's authentic though. At least nobody will rip it off without me knowing. =)
Know 1 can hear you dream - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Noone is guilty until proven innocent, but if MJ really did ten to fifteens I hope he gets at least that much in jail.
Claude Prez - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Neato Tito; lots of great lines, esp. "Pepsi ads, Your hair ablaze". Great job guys.
Adrienne - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
My little bro does it again. =)
Jackson W. - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Funny stuff!! Keep it up!
Steven Cavanagh - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Standing ovation from me. Finely tuned, Mike. A song parody like no other.
Billy Florio - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Excellent...this is perfect...if it doesnt go to the top of the charts its a shame
Agrimorfee - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Beautiful! Beautiful!
Aaron Decker - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
You're the only non-famous person I can think of who can parody a song that long.
adam cote - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
that's an awesome parody.
Spaff.com - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Well done, Michael and Jackson, er, Armstrong.
Meriadoc - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Excellent job you two!
The Great Karlando - December 04, 2003 - Report this comment
I've never seen a parody get so many votes this fast. I usually don't read the American Pie parodies, theyre just so damn long. But this one I had to. Awesome.
Gary Main - December 04, 2003 - Report this comment
well for what its worth this isnt one bit better then a couple of my Michael jackoff songs, and i didnt proclaim any of mine to be the ultimate Jackson parody. I am sure if you took Michael The Wood Nosed Strange Queer, and Michael the Whacko Jackson together into one song the title of best jackson parody would be undisputed. I can see how hard it was to cover this huge song, and like was said it has a lot of funny lines. however to me they dont make a song. its just a bunch of funny lines tossed together. and it really is off timing all over. Yep its funny. i just am not voting good or bad let the score stay high.
Loosekanen (The Armstrong) - December 04, 2003 - Report this comment
I'm sorry you feel that way Gary Main. Never thought the title, of all things, would offend someone. Still, though, I appreciate your time reading it, and your honesty. To respond to your main point, The point of the song was to show frustration at how much we liked him, wished we could still like him, yet he keeps doing things that disgust. And the title was in no reference to say this was the best jacko parody. This may not even be OUR best jacko parody... I consider Mike's "You may be white" to be just as good if not better. But alas, thanks again.
Michael Pacholek - December 04, 2003 - Report this comment
Wow. Makes my "Captain Jacko" look like a Triple-A job at best. Three Jackson Fives. Know 1: Best Michael Jackson joke yet. Did you hear the Mets signed Michael Jackson? Just what they need, another guy who wears a glove on only one hand for no apparent reason. I guess now we know the reason! Did you hear the Cowboys signed Michael Jackson? They had to cut him after the first exhibition game. Too many penalties for illegal use of the hand.
Floyd's Garage - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
What time does Michael Jackson go to bed? When the big hand covers the little hand
Jeff Reuben - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Gary...lighten up, it's just a song title. And not voting just to let the scores stay high? Kind of defeats the purpose of the voting, doesn't it?
Gary Main - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
i tell ya what. this much work deserves an A for effort regardless of my probably over critical report, so i am going to give it all As. But.. i want to hear him sing it!! i know i couldnt
Rice Cube - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Well THIS is a welcome addition :-D
Johnny D - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
This parody is a paragon of parodology. Awesome, awesome creative work. I stand in awe. Well done. This parody indeed deserves to chart at #1, for the sheer brilliance of its craft. Internal rhyme, pacing, word-choice and lyric-structure in harmony with so many of the original words and lines - this one's got it all, folks.
Peregrin - December 06, 2003 - Report this comment
Fantastic! I see you-know-who hasn't visited yet ! Maybe it is in fact Jacko hisself ;-)
malcolm higgins - December 06, 2003 - Report this comment
absolutely stunning brilliant creative work
Sharon Davis - December 06, 2003 - Report this comment
It was hallarious and true!!! Whoever wrote that I have to give you your props. SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!!!! SPEAK THE TRUTH!!
John Jenkins - December 06, 2003 - Report this comment
Well done. I liked the 3 things that could cause a smile.
KitKat - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Amazing, boys. Well done. HOWEVER, it's Don McLean, not Maclean.. haha. mike, dont forget that comma! ;)
Loosekanen (The Armstrong) - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
KitKat... even though I think mike knows you and I don't... I'll take the blame for that... it was my bad. lol.
Janet J. - December 09, 2003 - Report this comment
I am sick and tired of all picking on my bro. Leave him be and screw you all!!!
snsanty - December 13, 2003 - Report this comment
That paradoy just made my day. It was well worth the read!
Syncronos - December 19, 2003 - Report this comment
You got skills!
micheal jackson - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't think it was that bad the and all cuz they cooperated in everything i wanted them to do so we just had loads of fun playing limp bizket and other fun games.
Ethan Mawyer - February 28, 2004 - Report this comment
i voted for this already (i was either 1st or second) and i'm voting it into the next round of parody march madness
Johnny D - February 28, 2004 - Report this comment
See above.
MysteryGoat - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Freakin funny parody dude. Aren't you glad you got it in before Chucky made the new rule. Love ya chuck, you're like a brother to me. :-)
Jack Wilson - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL!!!!!!!!!! Great job, Mike!
mac - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
One of the best I've seen here... right up with "The Erection of Edmund Fitzgerald".
Chris - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Well let's just be honest here. Your parodies "Don't Impress Me Much". I read your little parody about Shania Twain and selling out and the same songs and being overplayed and I think that parody authors that write about their own opinions are cheap and extremely auful parody writers. So, will I be giving you 5 5 5 on this parody? Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah, nah! Oh, nah, nah!!!
Joelle - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow! Very good, and true!
neminem - March 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Eh... it's not bad, I imagine getting the timing perfect everywhere on such a long song wouldn't be worth the work, but... I love the chorus, and some of the other lyrics, but I wasn't generally captivated. Also, I was slightly annoyed at your use of "molester", a word with the stress on the second syllable, in a spot where musically the stress needs to go on the first syllable, thus getting you the strange word 'mol est er. Probably if I was into the subject matter I would be more lenient, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to go with 4s on this one.
2nz - March 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Very nice overall with some really clever one-liners.
martha - March 07, 2004 - Report this comment
very good effort to parody a very long song! some very clever lines in this one.. a good parody of the original
John Jenkins - March 07, 2004 - Report this comment
A tough song to parody, but you made it look natural with some poignant lines which reflect the mood of the original.
Melhi - March 09, 2004 - Report this comment
I particularly like that you chose to do a saga length parody to cover the Michael Jackson saga.
Jamesia - April 19, 2004 - Report this comment
i thought it was horrible to be talking about michael jackson that way. the person who wrote that must be a molester
shantel - July 17, 2004 - Report this comment
i like mickell jacksons song it is famous
Phil Alexander - July 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Can't believe I haven't commented already... though the vote didn't take, so I must have voted. Impressive stuff M&A
Renee - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Keep em coming..you have a gift for doing parodies! Excellent! My favorite type of humor!
Johnny D - July 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above!
Meriadoc - August 01, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above. Way above...
Eric M. - August 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Though I dont agree with it, it has good pacing, good lyrics, good everything. Nice parody! :)
Johnny - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Pretty pants and the content was bull. If you knew anything about the case, you could quite clearly see he is Innocent, you media infected hack...
Zach S. - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I thought that this was superb...because it's so true. Michael Jackson today is a ruined man. It's really BAD because he was such a dynamic entertainer.
bad signer - April 20, 2005 - Report this comment
it sucked balls just like micheal jackson

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