Congress, I am overjoyed to give you this address.
Times are hard and money's tight. The country's in a mess.
With new phrases - you'll hear more of the same.
Allay your fears. It's been three years - but I am not to blame.

So here is my speech. Now I'll lecture and preach.
Nothing new, no not a stitch. New big programs - tax the rich!
Invectives will rain. What I do is campaign.
Give me four more new years.

We need "investments". Give me trillions more to spend.
Blame Tea Party maggots for recession without end.
Who can make jobs? My government and me.
There's none to show - but that won't slow - my great recovery.

So here is my plan. I am still the main man.
Jobs are coming from my staff. Shovel-ready? Hear me laugh!
Print dough for my vault, 'cause it's all Bush's fault.
Give me four more new years.

(Extra vocal chorus in place of the piano solo)
Before twenty-ten - everyone was my friend.
I had huge majorities. Punish all my enemies!
I had real power there. I rammed through my Healthcare.
Give me four more new years.

The media will stand behind me ev'ry time.
Watch as I accuse the right of each horrendous crime.
"Work together" - I'll say with a straight face.
But I'll be hard. I'll play each card - of class warfare and race.

So here comes my talk. On your feet! Time to walk!
Watch me fix the jobless scene. (Spoken) Just as long as it is green!
(Sung) You have all heard me shout - jobs are all I'm about!
Give me four more new years.

(Slowly and dramatically)
For - if - you
Don't follow me - hell will break loose, you'll see!
(Spoken) Hoffa Jr. promised me - we'll "take out" the Tea Party!
(Sung a tempo) Make bridges and roads or I'll smash all you toads!
My plan's the only way! Head what I say today! I'm here to stay four more years!

(Spoken) That's my plan.
Act on it or else!
Good night and bless the United States of America.