I walked into the party like I was walking onto a set
Of some incredibly hot Spielberg flick
My steps they were light at best
There was no trick to my swagger as I made my walk real slick
And all the girls swooned until I hit that ice cube
Tripped on that ice cube, and...

I'm in pain, I probably thought my tailbone was shattered
I'm in pain, I'll bet you'd think my brains had been splattered
On the...dance floor...

They had me wheeled out of the dig when I was done with my crash
They all said that it was Murphy's Law unleashed
And that I would be back soon
But I wouldn't be the party's life because my arm was smashed
My leg was broke, bones won't knit until Tuesday
Knit until Tuesday, and...

I'm in pain, it feels like my left leg is split open...
I'm in pain, I've heard I heal fast, at least I'm hopin'...
It hurts...it hurts...

Well I hear you partied on in that big shindig and you bravely carried on
Then you used my dance moves as if in my honor
I hear that all you guys were worried sick
Well I hope my bones all fix up soon
And when my body's fixed
I'll be the life of any party thrown by a close friend
But until that time, I'm...

I'm in pain, oh Lordy someone get me some aspirin!...
I'm in pain, oh Lordy someone get me some aspirin!...
I'm in pain, oh Lordy someone get me some aspirin!...

I'm in pain, will SOMEONE please just get me an aspirin!...
It's like...I'm dyin',,,