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Song Parodies -> "Black Friday's Eve"

Original Song Title:

"Black Diamond Bay"

Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"Black Friday's Eve"

Parody Written by:

Leo Keough

The Lyrics

Here's another one just in time for Thanksgiving. I got the idea that the name of Thanksgiving would be changed to Black Friday's Eve if some retailers had their way.
Tucked in a tiny office
He wears a necktie, and he goes through the books
The numbers that he reads are red
His face is full, he looks well-fed, he resembles Garth Brooks
As the manager of a big box store
He can feel the tension creeping all along his skin
He walks across the sales floor
And he calls from a conference room for everyone to come on in
And the staff all hear some news they can't believe
There'll be no time off, no holiday leave
This Black Friday's Eve

Inside a cozy kitchen
She wears an apron and a smile on her face
She's planning for the family feast
The fridge is full, the pans are greased, the settings are placed
And she's hoping all the relatives
Would soon be heading to visit her abode
And she's praying that their travel plans
Would not be dashed by obstacles along the road
Then she gets a call she'd hoped she'd not receive
That her son must work for those coldhearted thieves
On Black Friday's Eve

All through the lower level
From hardware to appliance, there was nary a smile
The customers were puzzled
For the sales clerks all seemed muzzled, on each and every aisle
And the anger there was palpable
As the clock ticked down to their holiday demise
And as sales were further dwindling
Drastic action was called for by the ones who supervise
And they chose to meet for practice to deceive
And to pray for those who refused to believe
In Black Friday's Eve

Inside the high-rise condo
The rooms fill up with merry, as the guests shuffle in
Some bearing favorite recipes
The turkey's done and all are pleased to be there with their kin
The aromas tempt their appetites
As they all sit down for an irresistable meal
In unison they express regret
For the person missing who got himself a raw deal
As grace is said, they all roll up their sleeves
And they all dig in, as the turkey is cleaved
On Black Friday's Eve

Out in the parking lot
The sales crew get together to decide what to do
Some wonder, "Should we quit our jobs?"
Some vote to stay, an angry mob. They haven't got a clue
So off they head to a local pub
Where some beer and liquor just might help them to decide
And they order wings and pizza
For their holiday meal, they must swallow up their pride
And they're taking bets on who'd be last to leave
As the drunks fall down and the gluttons do heave
On Black Friday's Eve

The meal is barely over
And the sated sprawl on couches. There are dishes to clean
And the people in the kitchen gripe
About the plates they have to scrape and wipe and put in the machine
Then the twenty year old washer balks
And utters a mournful groan as it finally shuts down
When someone grabs the supplements
And declares there's a sale at a store near here in town
And 'tis better to go shopping than to grieve
With the store still open, we should all be relieved
This Black Friday's Eve

Out from a crowded storeroom
A geek carries cables and his face is aglow
Mounted on a wall of green
The LCD's and plasma screens all beam the same show
And the sales clerks move to box him in
And convince him he should join them in their scorn
He looks around, the coast is clear
And he rigs the screens to televise some porn
And as they relish what they've managed to achieve
Their boss creeps up and man is he peeved
On Black Friday's Eve

The missing son gets fired
And he hops a train for his hometown, his mother gets her wish
He arrives there just in time to view
The washer that they bought as new, see it wash every dish
A clean plate's piled with leftovers
And as he chows down, he is savoring every bite
And his worries of the future fade
As the snow falls down and the ground is growing white
And the trees all turn to a scene from make-believe
And he wonders how he could've been so naive
About Black Friday's Eve

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