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Song Parodies -> "Orlando Joseph Jett"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"Orlando Joseph Jett"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

They hung him out to dry ----the pr battle had begun
"He's a black man he's a mugger he didn't need no gun
to murder our share price oh so dearly won
by booking phoney profits till the deed was done"
Here comes the story of Orlando Joseph Jett
The trader Kidder Peabody was really out to get
From the moment it kicked off it was so clear
They froze all his assets the very man that they had made
Bond trader of the year

He said "how can they do this - they show me no respect
As a black man in Wall Street well what else could I expect?
They said that everyone was scared of me when I came down on the floor
They said I would throw my head back like a lion and I would roar
How could they say that I cheated and I lied?
They knew I had no secrets I had nothing to hide
I entered all my trades in the big red book.. at least 100 people saw them
anyone who wanted too was free to pass by the desk and just take a look

I am the scapegoat set up to take the fall
Carpenter Cerullo and Mullins planned it all
Hey I ain't no accountant man it wasn't my call
I was doing what they wanted now my back's against the wall
They knew those forward recons always worked a treat
At making phoney profits show up on the balance sheet
They all knew those figures were a fantasy
But they were great for hiding all those losses in David Askin's hedge fund and mortgage backed securities

It's so hard to get a handle on just what was goin on
You need to understand all that the jargon of bond strips and recons
To fathom out the workings of the US treasury
how they like to strip the interest out and sell it separately
they can sell the principal alone they call them zero coupon bonds
and they can put them back together and call it a recon
But when they do that they not doin' any trade
It's like changing quarters for a dollar .. it's plain to see there's just no profit to be made

So how come all those profits showed up on Jetts trading screen?
they were just an illusion a sort of waking dream
the system that he had could only to deal with buys and sells
it took all his forward recons to be just trades as well
he was shocked to see his screen displayed a profit right away
but bonds are always worth more nearer payment day
On settlement this notional profit would be gone
so he never let them settle he just kept rollin them over didn't take him long to catch on

The problem was their systems really were quite out of date
Most of the programmes had been written way way back in 68
It couldn't cope with stuff that was a bit sophisticated
Like these bond derivatives it was far too antiquated
But when Mullins and Cerullo were warned there was a glitch
They just sacked the whistleblowers .....they didn't get it fixed
They were happy to just let it run and run
with 10 million dollar bonuses you betcha those guys were havin way too much fun..

It started many years before when General Electric
Was heavily into M and A .. their tastes were quite eclectic
They said the profit margin's aren't so great in light bulbs nowadays
Lets buy us an investment bank.. and trade derivatives ... that seems to pay
They told the bankers hey you think you are so clever
You can be our cash cow -- your job is to deliver
Just make sure we have a healthy bottom line
We don't care how you do it... just get out and make some markets and trade
and everything will be just fine

Pretty soon they were creamin' it with cmos
Making really high returns though interest rates were very low
But when old Greenspan said hey guys I've gotta raise those rates
And they were stranded holding loads and loads of dodgy toxic waste
So that was when the recon game really got in gear
Jett was told to put them all forward for a year
They further forward the more money they seemed to make
They were on a rollercoaster ride but they surely had a problem and the problem was that this coaster had no brakes

They must have known they couldn't keep it running forever
Just long enough to con a load of new investors
And to pacify the wrath of the securities regulator
Who wasn't too pleased with all their risky adventures
They said "You're leveraged to the hilt your ratios are out of wack.
You'd better find a way to get yourselves back on track"
But they had a massive loan deal goin down
They just had to get those contracts signed before they could throw Jo Jett to the dogs and let the shit hit the fan

They blamed it all on Jett they said he did it on his own
But he didn't take it lying down he fought back and he won
The arbitrator found for him at the NASD
He even won the fraud case brought by the SEC
He was fined for false accounting he must have known it was a cheat
But he was the only one of them who really felt the heat
Those other guys were the masterminds
But I guess when it comes to justice
it sure goes to show that it ain't colour-blind

Was he really guilty or maybe just nave
Could it really be that he started to believe
That the profits were for real you know that's how he tells the tale
Did he really think that he had found the Holy Grail?
He just sat right down and wrote a book to clear his name
He called it Black and White on Wall Street its all about how he was framed
But what's he doin now I hear you say?
Well he's running offshore hedge funds so if you've got some money to invest just pick up the phone and call him right away..........

Helen Parry 25/08/03

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The Great Karlando - January 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I have no idea what this is about at all, but I felt bad that you did this whole long song and didn't get a single vote.
MarthaDTox - January 31, 2004 - Report this comment
What a kind thought! It is a bit of a specialist subject!
Tim Hall - April 03, 2004 - Report this comment
How did I miss this? Great job!

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