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Song Parodies -> "The Cell Phone Song"

Original Song Title:

"Piano Man"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Cell Phone Song"

Parody Written by:

Marsh Carroll

The Lyrics

Here is a parody song I wrote about something that unites us all (especially Canadians) – griping about cellphones and cellphone companies. I call it The Cell Phone Song. Hope you enjoy it.
It was nine c'clock on a Saturday
My weekend plan finally kicked in
But I knew deep in my sole, no hyperbole
I'd be taking it square on the chin

You see the cell phone companies are robbers
They'll nickel and dime you to death
The only way you can afford them
Is by dealing some pure crystal meth

Now Telus rounds up their minutes
So a second seems like an hour
And Rogers charges you a buck fifty
If you text while you're taking a shower


Over the murky Verizon
Fido just passed Wind
No Kudos to Bell or to Solo
Their bosses have verily sinned


Waiting for a cellphone agent
Can be such a horrible bore
I guess it takes a long time
For electrons to reach Bangalore


My cell phone has a feature
So I can filter out all of the spam
When I activate call forward
I don't know where the hell that I am


I just learned how to text message
Itap and alpha on the same line
If cellphones really cause cancer
I hope my tumor will be T9


I once paid roaming charges
Just for stepping out of my car
And how come it costs my lifesavings
Just to twit that dumb Justin Biebar


Avril uses a cell phone
So does Drake and Celine Dion
The Argos would embrace the technology
If they knew how to turn the things on


The hands free law is a good one
The prudent, correct way to go
The only thing to do while driving
Is listen to XM Radio


Winnipeg business types are yakking
Teeth chatter at Portage and Main
They're either on their bluetooths
Or else they are surely insane


Now some of the phones are prepaid
And some are pay as you go
But one thing for certain, unlike Cummings, Burton
All of the phone companies blow


Google is trying to take over
Shoot Apple out of the tree
Remember when we talked to each other
Without using technology


You see the cell phone companies are robbers
They'll nickel and dime you to death
The only way you can afford them
Is by dealing some pure crystal meth

blah blah blah blah blah blah overages blah blah blah blah blah fab five blah blah – out of available minutes – end transmission.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - August 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Funny and well-executed. As you are a Canadian, I'm happy to score this song an "Eh plus"! ;D
Michael Pacholek - August 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Yankees 11, Blue Jays 5, and now that the Chicago Blackhawks have won the Stanley Cup, that makes the Maple Leafs the team with the longest drought. Don't worry, I hate "South Park" too, and not just because they hate Canada.
Patrick - August 25, 2010 - Report this comment
I bought one of those real cheap cell phones with the expensive minutes because I only plan to use it for emergencies (if I remember to carry it). The first phone went dead, so I called the toll-free number to get a replacement phone and transfer the unused minutes. This call (on my home phone) lasted over an hour with a woman from a nominally English speaking country, which I finally identified as Jamaica. There is some rule that telephone sales or service personnel cannot speak standard Midwest or Canadian English. I never watch South Park, it's on past my bedtime. Too bad the US government won't let us visit your country anymore, without buying an expensive passport first. I really like your Nestlé Aero bars. Even wrote a song about them to the tune of "Oh Canada".
John Barry - August 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job. F**k the cell-phone companies.

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