Took her out of her box, like a crackerjack prize
Then I almost passed out filling her up to size
She was marked down to sell, a cheap date don't you see
She doesn't beguile but she's more than just rubber to me

She just an airhead, when she's not you can fold her
She can feel like a booth or cab seat when you hold her
And she won't max the VISA on some shopping spree
She's a cushioned whoopee and she's more than just rubber to me

Ohhh...She might not look herself
She can sometimes seem gaunt
It's just low psi
Ohhh... and she never wears out
And she never seems dull
ArmourAll makes her shine

And she won't withhold lovin' when you're being stupid
She can withstand dutch ovens as farts get real putrid
And she'll never suggest you're not first: thirty three!
Framed her ad on the wall 'cause she's more than just rubber to me

(Humming break)

Ohhhh... in the car by my side
Carpool lane we can ride
I'm no longer delayed
Ohhh... and sometimes we go out
Helium fills her spout
Then we crash a parade

And by very design she can float in the pool
Give waterwing squeezes, a paddling fool
But from too much mad thrashing her valve opened free
Out of view as she flew
My canoodling canoe
Think I voided her slim warranty

(More humming)