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Song Parodies -> "Scenes From a Health Food Restaurant"

Original Song Title:

"Scenes From an Italian Restaurant"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Scenes From a Health Food Restaurant"

Parody Written by:

Bernard Pacholek

The Lyrics

You know what would really drive my little brother Mikey nuts? How about taking his favorite performer and rewriting one of his classics to celebrate something he hates: Health food!
(instrumental opening)

Bottle of juice.
Bottle of tea.
The kind to help your regularity.
They're gonna brew it up all night
in that old familiar place.
So don't out and stuff yer face.

Bottle of tea.
Bottle of juice.
To keep you feeling fit and loose.
This invitation, you just might punt.
It's a health food restaurant.

(instrumental break)

Things are okay with me these days.
I lost 50 pounds.
I got a new wardrobe.
I got a thin wife.
I got a good life.
And the eating is fine.

You lost touch long ago.
You gained weight, a lot there, whoa.
I hoped you would look so nice
after so much time.

Do you remember those days
hanging out at the shopping mall?
Engineer boots so you wouldn't look under-tall.
Put a dime in the scale
said, "Twenty pounds, lose them all!"
No beer!
Eat light!
No sweets, those frantic teenage nights!

(instrumental break)

Whoa, whoa-oh...

Brenda Rinetti was kind of unsteady
was too fat to be asked to the prom.
Just seventeen, but you know that it seems
she's as fat as her mom.
Nobody looked any wider.
Went on Cambridge Diet, stuffed Cambridge inside her.
We never knew she'd last so very long in this life.

Whoa, but Brenda Rinetti, she found her a way to survive.

Brenda Rinetti, that blob of spaghetti
tipped scales at two-seventy-five.
When she decided the food is subsided
or she just might die.
Everyone said she was crazy.
"Brenda, you know that you're much too lazy."
You can't just eat better, you also must exercise.

Oh, but Brenda's determined to tell all her blubber goodbye.

Well, she gave up her hogging and started some jogging
wearing sweatsuits she ordered from Sears.
Thought she'd get ahead by cutting out bread
and the candy and soda and beers.
The goal, to be light, but the outfits, still tight
and she just didn't count on the tears!
Oh, no, oh, no...

Yeah, jelly roll!

(instrumental break)

Well, she lived for a while in this hardy lifestyle
'til she worked off the gut and the end.
Discovered her toes, that's the way that it goes
and Doc Atkins was closest of friends.
Her friends she could call hanging out at the mall
at last, she could go back there again!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa...

Brenda Rinetti, at last check already
tipped scales at just one-thirty-five.
She blew past her goal, she's a model of role
now for all of our lives.
She wouldn't go back to the greasy.
She told us, no lie, that it just ain't easy.
We should've known that she'd find a way to get by.

Oh, and that's all I'll say about Brenda Rinetti.
She's looking real hot and now we're going steady.
So, all of you, wave me and Brenda Rinetti goodbye!

(instrumental break)

Bottle of tea.
Bottle of juice.
I know the taste gives you the blues.
This invitation, you just might punt.
It's a health food restaurant.

(instrumental close)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 2.7
Overall Rating: 2.7

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   2
 3   2
 4   2
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Syncronos - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Heh...what would happen if we introduce Brenda to Rosie ODonnell? ODonnell..."Brenda Rinetti was skinny already when Rosie stopped in from the View...She said 'don't you know? it was not long ago I looked just like you'...Rosie just said she was twitchy, but Brenda replied that she was too b!tchy, and Brenda convinced her to put down the fork and the knife...OH, but Rosie ODonell, she remained fat, like her wife..."
Kristof Robertson - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Bravissimo, Mike! I've always shied away from "Scenes" but you've just proved how wonderfully well it can be parodied. Chock full of great internal rhyming, and a cool story arc. YES! 555+
John Barry - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
A weighty parody.
MasonR - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
As a bit of a health food nut myself I found this absolutely brilliant. I raise my cup of fresh carrot juice to ya!
Max Power - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
555 pounds.
Bernard Pacholek - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Sync. One of the few things my dopey brother and I agree on is we love your stuff. But don't get me started on Rosie. My thoughts on her can't be printed in a semi-family forum such as this one. Mason: Next round's on me. Kristof: Whaddaya mean "Bravissimo, Mike"? You think my brother coulda written this? After all of his junk-food parodies? Not a chance! (Mike hacks into the comment: Ignore my brother's pomposity. I appreciate how hard this one is, seeing as how BJ practically wrote three songs and slapped 'em on one album track. It feels good to finally get the name "Brenda Rinetti" out of my head after almost 30 years. And Rosie's wife Kelli is actually kind of thin.)
Max Power - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Looks like some 1 voters attacked you as well, sad. Keep up the good work though.
Andrew D. Lacroix - December 17, 2007 - Report this comment
I see Mike gave you a bunch of one's. Not fair! Tell him to take McDonald's and shove it up his a$$. I'm shipping you, fresh from WallyWorld, 555 bottles of green tea. Drink up!

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