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Song Parodies -> "Collision Man"

Original Song Title:

"Piano Man"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Collision Man"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

An ode to Billy Joel's well-publicized driving difficulties.
It's three A.M. on a Saturday
Celebrities all shuffle out
Billy Joel's there, stinkin' boozily
Putting gloves on for driving, no doubt

He says -
"Somebody open my eyes for me,
I'm not really sure how I dozed -
They're al-ways open wide,
when I pour beer inside -
it's just when I'm driving they're closed!"


"Car, car-car, gimme car!"
"Car-car, gimme car, car-car!"

Sing him a song, he's the Collision Man!
Sing him a song, swerve right!
Well a swerve should improve your ability,
To sur-vive his free-wheelin' flight!


Now down at the tar is a center-line
It separates streets safely
But a quick Billy Joel, sees a telephone pole,
And there's no place that he'd rather be

Pole says, "Bill, I believe you are hitting me,"
As the creosote splinters explode
"Well I guess I'll be mulch for some office-park,
Now that I've been splintered by Joel."


Ohhh
"Car, car-car, gimme car!"
"Car-car, gimme car, car-car!"


Now Joel is a really great pianist
Who once had a fine model wife
But his vision is wavy, like lookin' through gravy,
And probably will be for life

And state troopers are asking for autographs
As they catch him evading a toll
Yes, they're daring to think of arresting him
But they'll never, 'cause he's Billy Joel


Sing him a song, he's the Collision Man!
Sing him a song, swerve right!
Well a swerve should improve your ability,
To move out of Billy Joel's sights!


It's a pretty big crowd on the Interstate
And the drivers all see a car fly
And they know that it's Joel, who's afraid of no pole,
And who flips the bird as he goes by

And the steering-wheel feels like a keyboard, and,
The piano-gas-pedal's right here
And he punches his speed
To a G major key
And says, "Man, what a RUL-in' Clavier!"


Ohhh
"Car, car-car, gimme car!"
"Car-car, gimme car, car-car!"

Sing him a song, he's the Collision Man!
Telephone poles he'll strike!
Well we call Billy Joel by his new name now -
"The Terror of Every Turnpike"

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   19
 19
 19
 

User Comments

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Rick D - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Clavier is the kind of car he's driving, right? Man, you and Barry have been cranking them out while I was gone. That #3 spot if mine is going soon.
John Barry - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Many great lines in there, JD. Don't know Rick, I think I might be running out of steam.
Rex - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
You know why he survived the accident? 'Cause only the good die young.
Adagio - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL...another good one!
Leo Jay - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I feel for the guy... but great stuff.
Johnny D - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you, Rick, John, Rex, Pat, and Leo.
Chuck A. Spear - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
This was inspired! Great stuff! I saw Joel driving a really old, awesome car once, when I lived on Lawn Guyland (Long Island)- I sure hope he doesn't crack that one up!
Guy - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
This one cracked me up but unlike BJ I was not in a car impaired at the time. Vrooom!
Johnny D - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Chuck and Guy!
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm trying to come up with a "can't drive 555" pun but I'm running into the ditch with that...
alvin rhodes - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
this is a scream...especially liked the 'gravy' line...502s
Johnny D - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Peter and Alvin.
Dee Range - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
"It's just when I'm driving they're closed" made me spit up my beer, a lot of it through the nose. Great stuff . Super high 5's
Johnny D - April 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Heh heh, thanks Dee!
Rick Cormier - April 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Phenomenal ! 555
Johnny D - April 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Rick Cormier!
Dominic L. - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
555 Great job!
Johnny D - August 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Belated thanks, Dominic!
Adagio - July 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Great, funny one, Johnny. Loved it!! 5's
Adagio - July 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Got carried away and forgot to put ABC
Johnny D - July 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Pat !
Red Ant - July 23, 2006 - Report this comment
I barely remember this incident, and drunk driving is a fairly serious topic, but darn if you didn't funny, especially by turning one of his own songs on him. 5s
Jeff Reuben - July 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Thought I'd read this before, I apologize for not commenting. Funny recount of the incident, I loved it!
Rick C - July 31, 2006 - Report this comment
ABC3C -"But his vision is wavy, like lookin' through gravy" was just one of the brilliant lines here.
Stuart McArthur - July 31, 2006 - Report this comment
ABC3C - LOL - a lot of brilliant stuff in here - and its topicality (then) adds another leg - btw the theory behind "Yes, they're daring to think of arresting him But they'll never, 'cause he's Billy Joel" didn't exactly work the magic for Mel Gibson, did it??? - 555
Agrimorfee - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3) Woooohh, can't walk a straight line....Wooo-ooohhh, Joel can't walk straight line.....
Matthias - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
The talking pole was surreal enough to make this art!
Scathe - August 02, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3 C) This needs a music video, it's awesome.

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