If you go changing, then that will please me,
I never liked you much before.
Your tits are saggy, just like my granny,
And your nipples (alt - knuckles) reach the floor.
I heard your mother loved your brother, who loved your father,
How bizarre!
Had to divorce you, so I was forced to
Give you the house, the cash, the car!

Our kid is shaving, and misbehaving,
It's just a shame she's only nine.
She's still a virgin, thanks to the surgeon,
We call him Dr Frankenstein!
I never got no good conversation
I guess for you it's too damn hard.
Had to divorce you, so I was forced to
Give you the house, the cash, the car!

I never thought that I would wind up hitched,
To one as self-obsessed as you.
You really are the most obnoxious bitch,
You are my worst nightmare come true!

I said "I hate you", and you can quote me,
We never should have come this far,
Your lawyer boned me, with the alimony,
You got the house, the cash, the car!