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Song Parodies -> "Tommy 'Gal: bone ya' Turtle"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

B.B. King

Parody Song Title:

"Tommy 'Gal: bone ya' Turtle"

Parody Written by:

Andy Primus

The Lyrics

For this parody you’ve got to imagine that everyone is a turtle-person
(no, I wasn't on acid when I thought up this one).
TT – I hope this isn’t going a bit too far (if it is, get Chucky to delete it & ban me).

Yeah, I’m wokkin’ up this turtle, think I’ll grate his meat
Long been a fancy, ha ha, I’ve got me Tommy to eat
He took my woman…when she left I cussed his name
So I’m fine cookin’ Tommy coz ‘gal: bone ya’ is his game…now sear the foe
Gal: bone ya…Gal: bone ya…won’t look so good when you’re charred
I loathe you…yeah, I loathe you: lust to blame…leapin’ in there
You’re crazy but my woman says, “Gal: bone ya, I’m your dame…can we do it once more?”
Gal: bone ya…Gal: bone ya…wang hacked off: thrown in the yard, yeah

Threw your horn, man
Docked it, man
There, there
No more quim, no more trim, man
Ha…fun sight…Hell yeah…fun sight
Got no horn now
Ah, laid her all night…it’s not right
No good to me
Makes her way slack
Gal: bone ya…shall stone ya…shall bone ya


Before anyone makes a joke of it, I’d like to point out that the bone in ‘shall bone ya’ right at the end means fillet and definitely not any other kind of boning that can be done.

TT - Expected a suck-up tribute parody? Feeling deflated? Never mind. I did do one of those a while back (with a verse for you) but it went out on a day that you weren’t on. If you want to see it, say so in your comment and I'll leave the link on one of yours.


Caldonia (he pronounces the 'ia' on the end as 'ya') is from his 1971 studio LP ‘In London’.
I couldn’t find any correct lyric pages for this version so I’ve printed them here as they seem to be as hard to find as rocking horse manure. This is my interpretation from my LP and a few words were a bit tricky to understand. Bits like “keep it in there” and “can we do it once more” is BB talking to the band (the track is a live-in-the-studio jam)
All lyrics below this point are by Riley B. King based on the 1945 version of the song written by Louis Jordan

Yeah, I’m walkin’ with my woman, she got great big feet
Long, lean an’ lanky, ha ha, she ain’t had nothing to eat
But she’s my woman…an’ I love her just the same
She’s a fine lookin’ woman an’ Caldonia is her name…now here we go
Caldonia…Caldonia…what makes your big head so hard
I love you…yeah, I love her just the same…keep it in there
I’m crazy ‘bout the woman coz Caldonia is her name…can we do it once more?
Caldonia…Caldonia…what makes your big head so hard, yeah

Blow your horn, man
Rock it, man
Yeah, yeah
One more time, one more time, man
Yeah…alright…oh yeah…alright
Blow your horn now
Ah, play it all night…it’s alright
It’s good to me
Takes me way back

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

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User Comments

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Andy Primus - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
I’ve been trying to improve my punctuation and need a bit of advice on semicolons & colons. John or Meta, you both said that it’s an interest of yours so feel free to put me straight if you see this and have the time (same applies to anybody else). Apart from pro writers, very few people seem to actually use them (only 4 or 5 on this site whose parodies I regularly read). I’ve used colons in my last two parodies but I know that some should have been semicolons. I’ve been waiting for someone to rib me and point it out. I’m thinking that it’s right for it to be a colon in “I loathe you: lust to blame” because lust being to blame explains why I loathe you. The “wang hacked off: thrown in the yard” as in “his wang is hacked off and thrown in the yard” I’m guessing should only be a semicolon. If someone used “Gal: bone ya” as a nickname for someone else, as in “if you’re a gal, he’d bone ya”, what would you use to write that? Someone help me pleeeeeease (in layman’s terms), the more I read about it on web sites, the more confused I’m getting. No wonder most people are reluctant to use them. Basically, will it be acceptable if I use a colon to start a list (with items separated by semis) and for a direct explanation, like the first example above, and a semicolon everywhere else?
Old Man Ribber - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Good write on a Louie Jordan classic. Andy, my friend has a semi-colon...he had a colostomy! ;D
Andy Primus - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks OMR, good gag
Eliza DoFiddle - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Hooray! Best of the day... ;) (((tt))) Andy... Let me see if I can help you out here. A colon is used to connect an independent clause to other supporting information. For example: "Most parts of the turtle are edible: head, neck, legs, and tail." A semi-colon is used to separate two independent clauses. ["I'm not angry; I am homicidal."] A semi-colon can also be used to separate items in a series, as you noted, but only if the items are lengthy, or they are themselves separated by commas. Does that help any?
Andy Primus - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks FG, I'll try the sites again with that in mind and hopefully it will make a bit more sense. "Use it or lose it" is true in this case. I learned all this stuff in school over 30 years ago and thought it would all come back to me - it didn't
How strange that you should ask for puntation help! - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Just don't ask for typinkg lessons, 'k? - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
"punctuation", of course.

DKTOS, but enjoyed it, and (surprise!) can take it as well as can "dish" (ouch!) it out. No complaints here -- 555, in fact, and of course I'd like to see the link to the plug that was missed. (psst! -- it's also a reason why there's an email link at the bottom of all of my songs for the past year or so!) "D
metaphorsbwithu - October 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Turtle soup is good wih a dash of sherry. ;-) Eliza's explanation of colons and semis aboout covers it. Punctuation should be simple and serve to make writing more clear. It's better to write shorter sentences a la Hemingway than to put too many thoughts in a single sentence, as most of us do when we're simply writing down what passes through our brains, and are too lazy to go back and edit what we've written to make our thoughts easier to follow. ;-) a 555 effort!
alvin - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
quite the bizarre offering
Christie Marie M - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
LOL!! Turtle soup may be appetizing, but I prefer turtle brownies better! LOL!! Shelling out 5's!

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