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Song Parodies -> "I Won't Send My Girl to BJU"

Original Song Title:

"I Just Want to Be Your Everything"

Original Performer:

Andy Gibb

Parody Song Title:

"I Won't Send My Girl to BJU"

Parody Written by:

Edward Genereux

The Lyrics

This parody, my 97th on Amiright but first of any of the Gibb brethren, describes me in the future, probably in my 40s, sending my children off to university. As the song begins, I notice my only daughter (who as of 2012 has yet to be born or even conceived, since I have yet to marry) reading about Bob Jones University, an EXTREME fundie school in Greenville, South Carolina. Accordingly, I ground her and tell her in song why she shouldn't go to BJU; the reasons include anti-Catholic bigotry, KJV-only policies and the outlawing of popular music, even if it's Christian. This is the first of several parodies of Andy Gibb concerning fundamentalism's dangers that I hope to write. I hope other Amirighters will write parodies (not necessarily Andy Gibb) on this theme and get out the message that FUNDAMENTALISM IS DANGEROUS!!!
For some days,
My daughter has been looking at schools in many ways.
Looking at the cost, the size, the majors and athletics,
She did conclude
She'd like university if the Trinity
Were emphasized like food.
But she chose
A school so strict that girls may not their legs expose
Or wear blue jeans to class and worship.
I hate this campus;
It's so legalist,
They enforce the KJV with its "thous" and "thees,"
And I am outright pissed!

I, I won't send my girl to BJU,
Where they hate the Catholics with a passion most unmatched
That I had it to scratch right from her list of favourite schools.
Oh! if I could do so legally, I'd burn the school
And then send armoured trucks with troops to guard it too.
I just go boohoo when she says BJU.

Oh, for eighteen years
I have raised you with moderation and with tears.
Change your heart, don't be a fundie, keep your head together
And listen to me:
If you go to BJU, they will ne'er let you
Bring Christian rock CDs.

I, I want you to go to Liberty,
Where they're somewhat open-minded when it comes to fun
And letting your legs sun on days when it's ninety degrees.
Oh! if you became a fundie, I would just lament
The loss of my lone daughter to legalistic fools.
I won't allow you to go to BJU.

(Repeat first refrain)
It is the duty of every Christian--Catholic, Protestant or Orthodox--to let the world know that he is a Christian by his love and not by his rules.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.2
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   2
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