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Song Parodies -> "Stalingrad"

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Robert Arndt's parody reminded me of a "news item" (nyuck, nyuck) that Vladimir Putin invited ABBA to put on a concert in Moscow commemorating the 75th anniversary of Stalingrad. Personally, I think this is a mistake. But I'll let you decide ......
Heil, Heil .. At Stalingrad Von Paulus did surrender
Oh yeah .. And Napoleon was frozen out in quite a similar way
That Rooskiy wintery hell
It keeps repeating itself

Stalingrad -- dashed the dreams The Fuehrer had
Stalingrad -- starting to think he's raving mad
Stalingrad -- couldn't warm up if they wanted to
Stalingrad -- Дед Мороz* turning fingers blue
Stalingrad -- twenty times worse than Waterloo

Heil, Heil .. they thought they'd bomb the place but made the defense stronger
Oh yeah .. And now it seems their only hope is breakout to the right
Why does The Fuehrer refuse
As Жуков (Zhukov) is tightening screws

Stalingrad -- Sixth was encircled; it changed the war
Stalingrad -- on the defense forever more
Stalingrad -- couldn't break out if they wanted to
Stalingrad -- low on ammo and also food
Stalingrad -- so much greater than Waterloo

So how could the Fuhrer refuse
Von Manstein was close to breakthrough

Stalingrad -- dashed the schemes the Fuhrer had
Stalingrad -- Von Paulus fate to be in a bag
Stalingrad -- never faced truth of Stalingrad

Сталинград -- Goering should be strung up by his nads
Сталинград -- Never faced up to Stalingrad
Сталинград -- Soldiers were left to hold the bag
*Дед Мороз (Dyed Mopoz) -- Grandpa Frost, Russian version of Santa Claus; also personification of brutal cold of Russian winter

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

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Rob Arndt - December 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Great stuff- 555!
CML - December 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Thanks Rob. You know, one of the fundamentals of comedy is the discordant match. And what could be more discordant than the ordeal of Stalingrad and the daffy sensibilities of ABBA. And there aren't many ABBA songs that are daffier than "Waterloo"
Rob Arndt - December 13, 2017 - Report this comment
The Germans needed 800 tons a day in provisions and only got roughly 100 tons a day. Stalingrad is also off the charts for barbarism. The Germans ate 10,000 horses and cannibalism started near the end. Both the Germans and Soviets used stacked dead bodies to build walls! The LW dropped over 1000 tons of bombs on the city reducing it to rubble. Every inch was attacked. Stalin also issued an order of no withdrawal- Order 227. Women were allowed to fight fully with the Red Army. The Germans slaughtered them too and children as they were put to work for Stalin. Sawdust soup was the Soviet main food source as well as Vodka! Zhukov developed eczema on his hands and von Paulus a nervous tic on his face. The Germans also had to babysit the Italians, Romanians, and Hungarians sent as reinforcements.
CML - December 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Yeah, the High Command was pissing away so many German lives in the city, they had to utilize Hungarians and Romanians (who hated each other) to man the defenses on the Don River. Hey, no problem we'll stick Italians between them. Sheeyah, Italians in sub-zero weather. Sounds pretty shaky to me ...... But hey, no worries, there's a natural barrier to protect us. It's not like it's gonna FREEZE OVER or anything. And even if it does, there not gonna be able to ROLL TANKS across a RIVER, for crying out loud. So we're still cool .......... That's what did them in. They forgot about the old Russian saying -- In Russia, you dont get barrier; barrier gets you!!
Rob Arndt - December 14, 2017 - Report this comment
Had von Paulus attempted a breakout, he could have linked up with von Manstein's relief forces which were 30km away; instead, he chose to surrender. The real target had been the oil fields of the Caucuses. Stalingrad was non-strategic. Hitler divided forces over symbology. The LW had aircraft superiority with fighters and strike aircraft since the beginning, but lacked the transports needed to resupply by air. The crappy Italian and Hungarian forces failed to protect the flanks.
Peter Andersson - December 14, 2017 - Report this comment
If there was a world record for reunion rumours ABBA would probably have it by now. And the quality has been high too. Sydney olympics. Beijing olympics. Nobel concerts. Privately in the White House. Privately in Silicon Valley. You name it. Each former member is off and on persuing private projects, as for the quantity bit such rumours tend to increase prior to final release of those. Go figure! ;-)
CML - December 14, 2017 - Report this comment
By the time Von Paulus decided to surrender in late January, The Sixth Army couldn't have punched its way out of a paper bag. They were in pitiful shape. I think you mean if Paulus had decided to defy Hitler as many of his fellow generals were urging him to do and start a breakout, he might have had a chance. ..... On the other hand, The Red Army might have attacked further up the Don River before the linkup and forced Von Manstein to withdraw .. which is what they did anyhow. They would simply have initiated that part of the plan earlier. The Don River freezing solid was a catastrophe for the Germans; their whole strategy was premised on the fact that it would protect their northern flank. But how could they not foresee it, especially after experiencing the Russian winter the year before
Rob Arndt - December 15, 2017 - Report this comment
I've always felt that the diversion of 100,000 men, material, and air fleet to N Africa in late 1942 robbed the 6th Army of what it needed to either fight on or make a secure breakout. The Ju-52s sent to N Africa could have helped immensely. Hitler also sent two panzer divisions and a Tiger battalion. Would have been interesting to see how the Tiger would have debuted in the cold rather than the heat! But in the end, it's all speculation. Even a summer campaign cannot be fully projected because the Soviets would have reacted differently. The Germans fought with Herculean effort at Stalingrad under the worse circumstances. Guess that's why they called it "Rattekrieg" or " Rat War!"

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