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Song Parodies -> "My Mama's Spread"

Original Song Title:

"My Mama Said"

Original Performer:

ABBA

Parody Song Title:

"My Mama's Spread"

Parody Written by:

Agrimorfee

The Lyrics

What would your life be like knowing that your mother was a Playboy centerfold? Original song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92L6balksi8
Moms are weird, goes without saying
Nothing’s quite so exasperating
As my mama’s spread
Look at this, how she’s laid out on the bed
My mama’s spread
Wish she’d been a hand model instead

Yeah, while so young is when she had me
She’s the one who got cust-o-dy
Yo, my mama’s spread
The job she had before she was wed
My mama’s spread
Papa, he left and litigated
He didn’t want a wife
With a Playboy life
Wa-wa-wa, wa-wa-wa---cripes!

In her photos her skin does glisten
Oooh, she’s well known in the prison
Oh, my mama’s spread
In posing pictures you could say she was “Top Chef”
(my mama’s spread) My mama’s spread
Plus she had a private phone connect to Hef!
(my mama’s spread)
Oh, she lived a model’s life
What a topless life
Wa-wa-wa, wa-what a life

I still see her as proper and prim
So I wish you wouldn’t mention
Not my mama’s spread
Though it kept me warm and fed
(my mama’s spread) My mama’s spread
Lordy knows, I’m embarrassed as heck
(my mama’s spread)
Oh, she led a model life
What a crazy life
La-la-la, even was nice
La-la-la, at half the price
La-la-la, a bit of vice
La-la-la, did it just twice
Copyright 2017, Agrimorfee. This is not based on real life, by the way.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 1.9
How Funny: 2.0
Overall Rating: 2.0

Total Votes: 30

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   22
 22
 22
 
 2   1
 1
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   6
 7
 7
 

User Comments

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Matthias - October 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Good name drop to the Hef may he rest in peace. Is that what inspired this parody? Very funny stuff here. I would be so embarrassed. Glad it's not a personal story
Are you kidding? - October 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Hef rest in peace,? Hef is in hell where he belongs. He helped exploit women. He wasn't a playboy, he was a pornographer. He opened the gateway to not only his filthy rag but set the standard that led to worse porn mags like Penthouse and Hustler. He married young women decades younger than himself. He was a pervert. Porn didn't make the world better in any way. Lust isn't virtuous. May he rot in hell forever. No apologies. Btw, if your mom made a mistake in being in Playboy or being g a service bunny, God forgive her. If she enjoyed doing it and still approves, she's a whore. Imagine if you were the daughter of such scum. Guys think this is funny. Porn is filthy, degrading garbage. It deserves no praise.
Doctor Richard Saidsaeck - October 06, 2017 - Report this comment
You have to excuse AYK everyone, obviously he's bitter because he can't get it up higher than 111 nowadays.
Peter Andersson - October 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Best title of the round IMHO! The narrator of this parody has not yet realized the great upside - his mom will never ever be in a position to complain about him bringing home a slutty girlfriend (and possibly her own old BFFs are quite milfy too).
Mark Berman - October 06, 2017 - Report this comment
AYK wrote an accurate evaluation of Hefner, which in many ways echoed that of the blistering eulogy written recently by the conservative columnist Ross Douthat. Doctor RS offers his undeveloped brain into the proceedings: AYK's opinion results from his inability to get it up. The doctor is not just a fool; he's a damn fool. May he masturbate in Hell with Hefner, Goldstein, and Guccione.
Wait, lust isn't virtuous??? - October 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Puritanical sanctimony is the worst kind of sanctimony -- and you absolutely can make the case that porn makes the world a better place. You don't have to like it, it's not all created equal anyway, what you call "degrading" and "exploitive" the people actually involved may call anything from "less than ideal" to "joyful"...or "none of your g***amn business". There are countless lonely souls whose lives are enriched by images they can never hope to experience themselves...and quite a few, I imagine, who would hurt themselves or others without it. Not everybody thinks like you and not everybody agrees with you. Allowing others to make their own decisions is the only true virtue. Good day to you; you may actually be the very filth you condemn.
Ross Douthat - October 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Hugh Hefner was a pornographer and chauvinist who got rich on masturbation, consumerism and the exploitation of women, aged into a leering grotesque in a captain’s hat, and died a pack rat in a decaying manse where porn blared during his pathetic orgies.
Hef was the grinning pimp of the sexual revolution, with Quaaludes for the ladies and Viagra for himself — a father of smut addictions and eating disorders, abortions and divorce and syphilis, a flesh procurer for celebrities, a revolutionary whose revolution chiefly benefited men much like himself.
What began with talk of jazz and Picasso and other signifiers of good taste ended in a sleazy decrepitude that would have been pitiable if it wasn’t still so exploitative.
Early Hef had a pipe and suit and a highbrow reference for every occasion; he even claimed to have a philosophy, that final refuge of the scoundrel. But late Hef was a lecherous, low-brow Peter Pan, playing at perpetual boyhood — ice cream for breakfast, pajamas all day — while bodyguards shooed male celebrities away from his paid harem and the skull grinned beneath his papery skin.
This late phase was prettied up by reality television’s “The Girls Next Door,” which kept the orgies offstage and relied on the girlfriends’ mix of desperation, boredom and charisma for its strange appeal. The behind-the-scenes accounts were rather grimmer: depression and drugs.
Needless to say the obituaries for Hefner, even if they acknowledge the seaminess, have been full of encomia for his great deeds: Hef the vanquisher of puritanism, Hef the political progressive, Hef the great businessman and all the rest. There are even conservative appreciations, arguing that for all his faults Hef was an entrepreneur who appreciated the finer things in life and celebrated la difference.
What a lot of garbage. Sure, Hefner supported some good causes and published some good writers. But his good deeds and aesthetic aspirations were ultimately incidental to his legacy — a gloss over his flesh-peddling, smeared like Vaseline on a pornographer’s lens. The things that were distinctively Hefnerian, that made him influential and important, were all rotten, and to the extent they were part of stories that people tend to celebrate, they showed the rot in larger things as well.
His success as a businessman showed the rotten side of capitalism — the side that exploits appetites for money, that feeds leech-like on our vices, that dissolves family and religion while promising that consumption will fill the void they leave behind.
The social liberalism he championed was the rotten and self-interested sort, a liberalism of male and upper-class privilege, in which the strong and beautiful and rich take their pleasure at the expense of the vulnerable and poor and not-yet-born.
The online future his career anticipated was the rotten side of the internet — the realms of onanism and custom-tailored erotica, where the male vanity and entitlement he indulged has curdled into resentment and misogyny.
And his appreciation of male-female difference was rotten, too — the leering predatory sort of appreciation, the Cosby-Clinton-Trump sort, the sort that nicknames quaaludes “thigh openers” and expects the girls to laugh, the sort that prefers breast implants to female intellect and rents the charms of youth to escape the realities of age.
The claim that only prudish Christians and spoilsport feminists are willing to say that the man was obviously wicked and destructive, is itself a reminder that the rot Hugh Hefner spread goes very, very deep.
Jill - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
I wonder how many of the guys who gave this 5s, married, divorced, or single go to PornHub daily. Pornography is just gross. It benefits nobody. It's immoral too. Get a soulmate. Happy wife, happy life. It's true. And not the Madonna- Whore Complex either. True love (not lust) endures, overcomes, triumphs. Hef was a disgusting, perverted old man not unlike some of the old authors here who write such trash.
Peter Andersson - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
It's amazing what riles the trolls these days - and how Ross Douthat for one with gravitas manage to all but come out of the cave-closet prefering his women clad in burqua hearding his goats.

Congratulations on writing the most controversial parody of the month so far! And Damn - how am I to top thiat? Maybe I should just give up and try to redirect the trolls to my own old "Girls of the Playboy Mansion":

http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/rainbow3.shtml
Mark Berman - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
Andersson is often guilty of some misogynistic stupidity. Douthat argues against the oppression and commodification of women in a rotten society. The very last thing he would want to see is an unwilling woman forced by a patriarchy to wear a burqua. Andersson likes to see "his" women splayed nude in centerfolds. I suppose he calls this "female liberation."
Peter Andersson - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
Yes, the very last thing I want to see is any woman FORCED to wear a burqua.

¯_(ツ)_/¯
Define "pornography" - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
"Ross Douthat": You sound obsessed with Hugh Hefner, to be honest. I had no idea about most of what you're saying, but I like the way you make it sound like he was an evil dude who forced people to do things against their will. The world is full of people like that; I mean really full of a-holes who really *actually* impose their will on the rights of others. Vilifying people who successfully convince others to engage in voluntary exchanges of value -- simply because you find what they're offering offensive to your sensibilities -- makes you part of the problem. "Jill": When you make sweeping statements like "pornography is gross and benefits nobody", you're stating an opinion, one that not everyone is going to agree with. Just thought you might want to know that; it kinda sounds like you think your word is gospel.
Here ya go - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
Pornography: printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.
Axegrinder - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
http://www.occidentaldissent.com/2017/09/28/burn-in-hell-degenerate-playboys-hugh-hefner-dies-at-age-91/
So you're an anti-freedom Jew hater then? - October 07, 2017 - Report this comment
Not sure what you're trying to say here; I'm more convinced than ever that you exemplify what's wrong with the world
Reality - October 08, 2017 - Report this comment
^ hey idiot, do you honestly believe Hugh Hefner was a good man? You know his sorry white sicko ass is burning in hell. He made money off exploitation and made men believe that his centerfold girls were ideal, perfect even. The damage is done. Most women dress and act like whores now and guys have unrealistic standards for female physical beauty. Playboy also led to a steep rise in surgery for women to enhance their natural God-given beauty to ridiculous levels that cost women as they age. Hef was a smut peddler at the base level. He got porn out of brown bags sold in alleys to street mag vendors then supermarkets and on to normal book stores. If this garbage wasn't available, there would be less perversion in our world, more realistic standards on mate seeking, and perhaps a lot more happy marriages. Hefner deserves to burn. I'm glad I won't be seeing him in a white robe in heaven. He was a pig.
Oh! That explains it - October 08, 2017 - Report this comment
You're a religious moron
Deplorable reality - October 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Let's analyze the latest troll arguments:

"He made money off exploitation (CREATED JOBS!) and made men believe that his centerfold girls were ideal, perfect even (DO YOU REALLY THINK MALE FANTASIES WORKED THE OTHER WAY BEFORE PLAYBOY?). The damage is done. Most women dress (THAT CREATES JOBS!) and act like whores now (WHO'S THE CHAUVINIST PIG HERE, REALLY?) and guys have unrealistic standards for female physical beauty. Playboy also led to a steep rise in surgery (CREATED JOBS!) for women to enhance their natural God-given beauty (HEY! THEY USE MAKE-UP ALREADY IN THE BIBLE!) to ridiculous levels that cost (CREATES JOBS!) women as they age (GETS EVERMORE GOD-GIVEN WRINKLE-BASED BEAUTY, STAY CONSISTENT PLEASE!). Hef was a smut peddler (JOBS!) at the base level. He got porn out of brown bags sold (JOBS! JOBS!) in alleys to street mag vendors (JOBS! JOBS! JOBS!) then supermarkets (JOBS! JOBS! JOBS! JOBS!) and on to normal book stores (JOBS! JOBS! JOBS! JOBS! JOBS!). If this garbage wasn't available, there would be less perversion in our world (LESS JOBS), more realistic standards on mate seeking (LESS JOBS IN BARS, HOTELS AND AT ONLINE HOOK-UP SERVICES!), and perhaps a lot more happy marriages (LESS JOBS FOR DIVORCE LAWYERS!). Hefner deserves to burn. I'm glad I won't be seeing him in a white robe in heaven (WHY IS EVERYTHING WHITE IN YOU BIGOTS' HEAVEN?). He was a pig (IS THIS A SET-UP FOR A HATE RANT ON PIGS NEXT? WHAT EVIL HAVE THOSE POOR GOD'S CREATURES EVER DONE?).
Oh Shut it - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Hef wasn't a pig, he was a pretend high society scumbag living off women's bodies. Playboy wasn't literature. It was scandalous porn appealing to male base animal instincts. A tosser mag which led to more tosser mags.
TSK - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Hefner was a leech and predator on the backs of women and indirectly on society as a whole. The veneer was the image of a lifestyle with no consequences, lavish parties, free sex and unending pleasures. The reality was exploitation of young women who needed the money, had low self-worth and may have had mental issues. (This could hardly be called JOB CREATION.) He hijacked the counter cultural movements of the post-war period to give himself legitimacy. If he was someone living in a trailer park he would have been in prison, but money is the ultimate American kaleidoscope, confusing the eye and reflecting beauty that is not real.
He left behind nothing positive. He was a taker not a giver.
Not a giver either - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
We’re all “takers”, if we’re being honest. The fallacy is that there are special people among us who give selflessly, who never want anything in return. They’re smarter and more compassionate than the rest of us money-grubbing selfish a-holes, so they should get to decide what values everyone should have, and ultimately what rules everyone should play by. Sorry; not how it works. Never has and never will. Yes, some people are more offensive than others, and I’d be the last to tell you that you should celebrate someone like Hefner as a paragon of virtue. But again, there are lots of people in the world who go around *literally* preying on others— by which I mean LITERALLY stealing from, beating, raping, murdering — innocent people. How about we focus our limited resources on addressing those people, instead of bashing a harmless dead guy who committed the unpardonable sin of offering to exchange value for value in a way that frankly is none of your damn business?
The truth will set you free - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
https://relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/5-ways-porn-ruins-relationships
Are you kidding? - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Ochinchin daisuke.
Mark Berman - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Really? Me too!
Ross Douthat - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Heil ISIS!
uiop - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Ross why would you say such a thi- Oh, Yur nawt Ross Dew Hat! yur jes' a troal whuts a-pertendin' to be Ross Doo Hat, OOR HOOR HOOR!!
Peter Andersson - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Tell me in what direction refugees of the world generally aims: Towards America or away from it? Away from nations where pornography is forbidden or towards them? Towards nations with capitalism or away from them? Away from nations where women are "happily" married for life or towards those where they are legally allowed to make the choice to be "exploited"? I already know the answers of course - and so does all of YOU! ;-)
Majet Amamuli - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
^ how's your rape problem in Sweden or the fact that you can't protect your own women or culture anymore, Mr. Westerner? We Islamic terrorists and lowlifes of the world do indeed go to America and Europe to conquer them using your own freedoms against you. Sweden is a haven for us and is being defeated. That's why it's been called Swedistan! Blow it out your arse Peter Nobodysson! You infidel!
Peter Andersson - October 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Strange argument there Mrs Majet. ISIS comes from a culture where rape has been legal since long BEFORE pornography was invented in the West that you hate soo much. How about looking at Japan instead? Theirs is said to be the most violent pornography in the World, yet they have among the lowest (if not the lowest) number of rape AFK/IRL.
Agrimorfee - October 10, 2017 - Report this comment
Wow, thanks for the interesting commentary, 555s and page views (if not the 111s). All I will say to contribute to this discussion is 1)this parody was not written to condemn or praise pornography, its "performers" or purveyors, and 2)some women enjoy pornography.
Judge Judy - October 10, 2017 - Report this comment
^ you support immorality and glossy depravity
Judge Judy - October 10, 2017 - Report this comment
We should be more like the Taliban!
Bible Dude - October 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Matthew 5:28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Bible Dude - October 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Which applies to me and my waifu, Kars in his ultimate form. That is why I ordered a pillow of him and married it.

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