-> "The Assault on BCS 9000"
Original Song Title:
Parody Song Title:
"The Assault on BCS 9000"
Poole: So, how should we best go about this?
Bowman: We know that we should go after the machine's bias toward power conferences, its tendency to split the national title and exclusion of numerous undefeated teams from the chase.
Poole: Yes, but HOW should we destroy the machine? What if it's a cyber-computer capable of detecting our very motions and voices?
Bowman: Well, I heard somewhere that we need to enter the computer's core and cut each fibre-optic network core one by one. I believe--and this is also what I've heard--that this core includes pennants from all 12 SEC football teams.
Poole: I guess we'd better find the core then.
Bowman: That said, however, there's no map that we have!
Poole: Wait--I see a map over there! (points to a map of the building on the wall) Let's find out where the core is...
(During the last spoken line, guitar solo plays)
Stanza I. Bowman
BCS, just tell me the truth.
Why are all your algorithms
Hidden 'way? You are blocking our great mission.
How I'd hate to see you corrupt
The postseason bowls any further;
I can see you make me scream bloody murder.
Stanza II. Poole
BCS, just tell me what's wrong.
We have come to fix your innards.
If we fail, please don't choke our very gizzards!
Even though you do have some problems,
To defend ourselves, we have weapons.
Heed now what you're saying and where you're steppin'.
BCS, you very well know
'Bout the '98 big-time snubs of K-State and Tulane;
Then in 1999, Marshall took a blow.
Football's title chase needs new ways.
In 2000, Miami screamed
When archrival was invited to go face the Sooners.
One year later, Oregon was the ousted one.
Free us from this, O computer,
Or we'll say that it's blasphemy
And great madness, O computer.
Stanza III. Both
Though your system's crumbling apart,
We can sense a new day coming.
All's not lost, though for you a playoff's numbing.
BCS, have humility
'Cos your arrogance is quite troubling.
If you persist, ev'ry day the problem's doubling.
BCS, you'll surely admit
When you snubbed ol' Peter Carroll and his SC Trojans,
You thought this was Sparta here; f**ked up is your ear!
You're just going through the motions.
Now that TCU's been left out,
You are madder than the circle of hell for the traitors
'Cos you are just that, machine; your programmes we'll drain.
We will break your circuits later.
You're just a traitor, we'll feed the Gators
All your circuits, O computer.
Bowman (to Poole): Now we'll start taking it apart;
Break the wires on this computer.
(Instrumental ad lib and fade)
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