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Song Parodies -> "Does Bill Hancock Know?"

Original Song Title:

"Does Your Mother Know?"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

ABBA

Parody Song Title:

"Does Bill Hancock Know?"

Parody Written by:

Edward Genereux

The Lyrics

From the disco opera "TCU." The day after the BCS title game, a member of the press gives to me a complete and unabridged transcript of new BCS executive director Bill Hancock's inaugural press conference. The ensuing shock among the audience of my reading of the transcript stems from the fact that many of the players, coaches and athletic administrators at TCU had expected some sort of reform issuing from the BCS. Instead, little if anything will change unless the two spies in service of TCU--Dave Bowman and Frank Poole--destroy BCS 9000. You, the reader, will once again need a copy of the Onion's article about the computer that determines who goes to the national title game. The link to the article is found in my "Rise of BCS 9000" parody, also part of this endeavour.
Spoken prelude.
Edward Genereux: Somebody who attended yesterday's BCS press conference held to introduce new executive director Bill Hancock gave me a transcript thereof. The news isn't good at all; Mr. Hancock thinks the system is working perfectly and we know that's a lie!
Frank Poole: Ditto! We demand that a playoff be put in place and that the subdivisions of Division I be done away with to avoid redundancy.
Dave Bowman: Poole and I had better be prepared to fight this injustice and rest assured, we will.
(Here Edward reads the transcript. This may take a while; in any case, the music starts as he finishes.)

Stanza I. Edward
Bill Hancock thinks he's so cool.
We all know all his words are so void as defences go;
His own excuses aren't new.
This last season, TCU
Couldn't play for the prize that's the title and all its glory;
It has been the same old story.

Poole: The status quo is so broken
As Edward has a-spoken;
Does Bill Hancock know that he's wrong?
When we just needed a playoff,
He said: "Playoff schmayoff!"
Does Bill Hancock know that he's wrong?

Bowman: It's not easy (it's not easy)
When the BCS
Has hit a new low;
Does Bill Hancock know?
It don't please me (it don't please me)
When Bill Hancock reaps
What he didn't sow;
Does Bill Hancock know?

Stanza II. TCU head coach Gary Patterson
Everyone truly knows
That a playoff is the way for the postseason course to go;
This is what Hancock must do.
Instead, he chose the status quo
So that he could still make one big shitload of cold, hard money;
Well, we've a message for thee.

Bowman: If you're intent on your money,
That ain't really funny;
Are you that aware that you're wrong?
Well, your own goddamn inaction
Brings no satisfaction;
Are you truly aware you're wrong?

Patterson: Bowman's spoken (Bowman's spoken)
About how to make
Bill reap what he's sown;
Does Bill Hancock know?
Frank and Edward (Frank and Edward)
Have condoned his memo
'Gainst the status quo;
Does Bill Hancock know?

Edward: Bowman and Poole, get your weapons;
Carefully go steppin'
On the status quo that is wrong.
For you two I will be praying
As you attempt you slaying
Of the status quo that is wrong.

Patterson: All of my own intercession
Is for you without question;
Hancock doesn't know that he's wrong.
He sold his soul to the system;
The reverse is your own mission.
Hancock doesn't know that he's wrong.

(Ad lib and fade)
For the next song, I chose to parody not "If It Wasn't for the Nights," but rather "Chiquitita." The next parody itself describes Bowman and Poole's battle versus BCS 9000.

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