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Song Parodies -> "Turf Fright"

Original Song Title:

"Lovelight"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

ABBA

Parody Song Title:

"Turf Fright"

Parody Written by:

Edward Genereux

The Lyrics

From the disco opera "TCU." Having seen in person the Horned Frogs lose to Boise State at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona in the Fiesta Bowl on 4 January 2010 (the first ever matchup of two midmajors in a BCS bowl), I decide to thank the TCU players and coaches for the complementary tickets they gave me for my research into the flaws of the BCS. (Because there were two tickets, I decided to give one to Malcolm Higgins mere months before his premature death and he accepted.) As we walk out of the TCU locker room, however, I get a feeling that TCU lost because I gave them false hope about their prospects for winning the bowl in spite of their disappointment over being denied a shot at the national title. I therefore call Bowman and Poole about the issue and request that they remain on their guard for any possible developments over the next few days until the time of the BCS title game between Alabama and Texas.
(Spoken prelude)
Public address: Final score: the Broncos of Boise State University 17, the Horned Frogs of Texas Christian University 10.
(As the PA makes related announcements, Edward Genereux and Malcolm Higgins thank TCU players and coaches in the TCU locker room, then leave.)
Edward Genereux: I'll be honest with you: I should never have given the Frogs the false hope I gave them.
Malcolm Higgins: Well, it's not your fault. No amount of motivation could have helped TCU in their situation--one second left in the Big 12 Championship Game away from the BCS title game. You should use this game as fodder for playoff proponents like yourself.
Edward: Yes, but please don't rub it in! I tend to take this travesty more seriously than you will ever know. Perhaps I should give an order to some friends of mine--they probably watched the game on TV.
Malcolm: I guess if you must, you must. That's what friends are for!
Edward: Stay right here; I will go elsewhere where my cell phone will have better reception. (As soon as Edward leaves, he calls Bowman and Poole.) Hello, Edward speaking.
Bowman: Oh, it's you, Edward. What orders do you have for us?
Edward: In light of the Horned Frogs' loss to Boise, I am ordering you to be on your guard from now on.
Poole: Very well, even if it costs us our lives.
(As Edward hangs up, the music starts.)

Stanza I.
Edward: Never should I have told any of TCU's players
Or any coach 'bout how they'd do on this very night,
So I thoroughly regret what I said on Selection Sunday,
That they'd conquer their great letdown against Boise.
Now the critics will go bash me in a way that's noisy.

Refrain.
They must have had turf fright!
Nothing else can explain it but turf fright
'Cos I did see it in their own eyes;
Many of them seemed quite surprised
From turf fright.
It was quite humiliating this night;
Their play was one horrendous sight.
I will find a cure for, I will find a cure for turf fright.

Stanza II.
Malcolm: Like you said, that cure is nothing short of your big playoff;
I cannot wait until the day it's put into place.
Till then, I will keep praying for that day to come very quickly
'Cos that's what we need to save the game from ruin;
And it won't be long ere people honour what we're doin'.

Refrain.
It will cure all turf fright;
It will make for more spectacular sights
On the gridiron in the postseason;
All your plans are backed by good reasons.
No turf fright
Will plague any team, much unlike tonight,
When TCU succumbed to the plight
Of inability to fight
For the very cure for, for the very cure for turf fright.

Bridge.
Both: It will feel so good
When we're declared right
And the NCAA stops turf fright.

Refrain.
O you turf fright,
You shall not prevail after tonight
Because we now are taking our case
To put it in the BCS' face.
Go, you turf fright;
Hide your guilty face out of our sight.
If you dare attempt e'en one come back,
Be sure that we'll launch an attack!
Now you shall be banished, now you shall be banished, turf fright.

(Ad lib and fade)
The next parody, which parodies "The King Has Lost His Crown," will cover the BCS title game itself and how Colt McCoy's game-ending injury cost Texas the national title, which went to Alabama for the first time since 1992.

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