-> "Send the Spies"
Original Song Title:
Parody Song Title:
"Send the Spies"
Edward Genereux: I have three words to describe your bowl game: separate but equal--and you know what happened when institutions in the South were "separate but equal." Pure crap! They weren't equal in the least bit and neither is this.
Gary Patterson: Yeah, it's not the Fiesta Bowl--call it the Fiasco Bowl and leave it at that!
Andy Dalton: I don't know how we'll do in the bowl with this hanging over our heads. I just don't know.
(As the three and their fellow players and coaches mope with each other, two young men catch up with them.)
Dave Bowman: Hello, my name is Dave Bowman; and (pointing to his coworker) this is my partner, Frank Poole. We hear you all have an issue with the status quo in college football's postseason. I thought we might be able to help, so that's why we came to your beautiful campus. What's the trouble?
Edward: As you may know, the Horned Frogs have just been snubbed from the BCS title game and relegated to the Fiesta Bowl against fellow midmajor Boise State. Instead, the BCS opted for two establishment programmes in Alabama and Texas. What's more, this isn't the first time a significant snub occurred; Utah suffered likewise last year. What can you do for us?
Frank Poole: We ourselves work for the BCS; but before any of you get riled up over our employer, think about this: we, too, oppose the system and would like a playoff in major college football.
Patterson: Since you work for the BCS but hate it anyway, I think you would be good spies for us. What say you, Edward?
Edward: I guess we'll have you sign on as long as you tell none of your coworkers about our endeavour, lest you be fired or--worse yet--killed. (He takes a contract out of his backpack and hands it to Bowman.) These and other terms are in this contract that you'll both need to sign before you join our operation.
(As Bowman and Poole sign the contract, the music starts.)
Edward: This night, we have allies
To fight the evil system
That has tortured deserving programmes
Based on their own conf'rence alignment.
Poole and Bowman, you will join our crusade
On this very night;
We are blessed by your offering here
Of effort for this fight.
We will make the wrong all right.
Patterson: Let us therefore send these spies
To give us that most worthy prize.
With all our hearts, tomorrow we will rise.
Bowman: We will do as you request.
I say to you, that ain't no jest;
And though it will put our resolve to the test,
We certainly shall do our very best.
Dalton: The clouds are finally breaking
Above the tops of our heads;
We'll go into our bowl game
Optimistic 'bout the prospects
For college football playoffs
In the game's near future.
We can still take pride;
Every time when we hit the gridiron,
Our dream has not died.
If we fail, at least we tried.
Poole: We will therefore be your spies.
Where the game for justice cries,
We always will win or at least we'll try.
Where it's needed, we will bring
A tournament for everything.
Then all the fans of us will rise up and sing:
"Thanks to old TCU, justice will ring."
Edward: Give the order: send the spies, send the spies!
Like Patterson said, we will quickly rise.
Fans will say: "Thank TCU
For making college football new
'Cos without them, we'd still be stuck just like glue
To bowl game slavery; everyone would boo."
(Ad lib and fade)
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