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Song Parodies -> "How Can I Be Third?"

Original Song Title:

"How Can I Be Sure?"

Original Performer:

Young Rascals (Also David Cassidy)

Parody Song Title:

"How Can I Be Third?"

Parody Written by:

Stray Pooch

The Lyrics

Poor Howard! Seems like he really ought NOT to give Iowa a try! It ain't over yet, but it's gonna take a big win in New Hampshire to get the taste of crow out of the governor's mouth.
How can I be third?
Though the polls were constantly changin'?
How can I be third,
When the world was mine?

It seemed that I . . .
It seemed that I was way up on top!
But I just died!
Yes, you know I really was a flop
How did I know,
Media folks would accuse me?
Flying too high did confuse me.
But this vote sure took me down!

Whenever I . . .
Whenever I'm talking on TV.
My alibi is tellin' people who don't care for me:
"If you must be hanging around
Then just shut up, and sit down!"
It's a sure bet, you never will find someone
Who's as angry 'n' fed up as me!!!

How can I be third? I really, really, really, wanna wi-i-in! I really, really, really, wanna wi-i-in!

Now or never,
I have to get it together!
New Hampshire had best be much better.
I can't be a doctor forever.
I want to be White House bound!

How can I be third?
Though the polls were constantly changin'?
How can I be third,
When the world was mine?
copyright 2004 Stray Pooch

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User Comments

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Meriadoc - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Watching Dean come in third was a treat. So is this parody! Sorry, you will have to come in at 5... :-)
Stray Pooch - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Well apparently Howie split the diff with me, cuz it turns out he was fourth! Stupid rushing to write timely parodies!!!!! Thanks, Meriadoc.
Rice Cube - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
I want to hear his speech. I heard he blew up and I can't believe I missed it.
Stray Pooch - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, he went through the roof. "WE'RE NOT GIVING UP! WE'RE NOT GIVING UP IN NEW HAMPSHIRE! WE'RE NOT GIVING UP IN SOUTH CAROLINA . . . etc. WE'RE TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK FOR ORDINARY PEOPLE!!!!" Ummm, Howie, ordinary people don't fly off the handle when they lose . . .
John Jenkins - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Very good parody and very timely. Sometimes fact is funnier than fiction. As a parody writer, I think Howard Dean is very good parody material and I hope he stays in the race. And your parody is correct - Dean was third.
Leah Lockhart - January 21, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't have a TV, and 99% of the time I don't miss it, but I had no idea about this erruption and wish I'd seen it! Good parody!
Melhi - January 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Stray, I'll disagree with your above comment, slightly and say that extraordinary people rise above being sore losers. I guess the folks in Iowa didn't think Dean was an extraordinary man, even before he removed all doubt, but I'll bet they'd love this parody. Nice job!
Stray Pooch - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the kind comments, folks. I think Dean has made an otherwise boring non-race into something interesting, though it is beginning to look like the Kerry machine may be in the driver's seat after all.
Guy - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Stray - How did I miss this one. This is great stuff. Well done, stray!
Stray Pooch - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Guy.
David Chrenko - January 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I echo Guy's comments - Glad I finally spotted this one. Perfect pacing, good choice of original material, it's funny and timely. I'm gonna miss ol' Howard, though. He and Rev. Al kept things jumping.

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