Oh I can jump and spin on ice
And think that I look just as cool as Michael Welss
A medal and a six-point-oh would sure be nice
In costume of pleather

If I were on the street people would stare
But when I skate I feel just like Brian Joubert
I look up at the podium, see myself there
In costume of pleather

Dance and leap and try not to fall on my face
In clothes that squeak
I won't skate in sequins or fishnet or lace
'Cause I'd look weak!

Vinyl, mesh, some PVC
Go shirtless so the little girls will scream at me
I'll watch them throw their teddy bears at manly me
In costume of pleather

Bet you wonder how I can do a big split
In such tight pants
People love me even when I skate like (an amateur)
Just ask in France!

Watch me skate, hey look at me
I'll double-foot the biggest jumps you'll ever see
Dick Button loves my slash-and-burn vitality
In costume of pleather
My costume of pleather
I borrowed from Heather
That costume of pleather
Borrowed from Heather...