You're the kind of pitcher
Who eats bats, hurtin' catchers' leathered hands

Centerfield is loud, drinkin' in the crowd
Bottles flying from the stands

Well, it seems to me that you have thrown too many spitballs now

And though you've tried you just can't hide
Your grimace and your "Ow!"

You swallowed chaw

Gulped it down

Here it comes
Here it comes
Here it comes
Here it comes

Here comes your nine-teenth chaw back up now

When you were a kid
Little League you did
And you would chew that bubble gum

You were always spoiled by the cheering noise
Of parents and your chums

The Major Leagues invited you
To go pitching at the show

Now the owners bid and fight to woo
Your million-dollar throw

You swallowed chaw

Gulped it down

Here it comes
Here it comes
Here it comes
Here it comes

Here comes your nine-teenth chaw back up now

Oh, you feel sick
That chaw comes up quick
The camera's on you as you bend down
The viewers see your chaw hit the mound
Oh, ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww!

You thought chaw was cool
It would make you drool
And really mess your head

But now you find
There's often times
You're eating it instead

In your first game
You tried so hard to fill batters with dread

But after 'while you realized that the spit you spat could spread

Spit on the ball

Wet it down

There it goes
There it goes
There it goes
There it goes

There goes your nine-teenth nicotine ball

The batter swung and hit your spitball

It sprayed into the ump's right eyeball

Now you're back playing minor league ball