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Song Parodies -> "Theme From The Creationists"

Original Song Title:

"Theme from the Monkees"

Original Performer:

The Monkees

Parody Song Title:

"Theme From The Creationists"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

NOTE: The site I got my OS lyrics from listed the title as "Theme From The Monkeys". Other folks may call it "Hey, Hey, We're The Monkees". News Item: The School Board of Grantsburg, Wisconsin has ordered that theories other than evolution now be taught. This decision has prompted a protest letter signed by more than 300 biology and religious studies faculty members urging the board to reverse their decision.
Here we are
prayin' on our knees
We are sure we did not come
from any kind of beast
Hey, Hey, we're not monkeys
though people say it's monkeys we're from
Don't believe what they're saying
'Cause we think that is dumb

We don't come from chimpanzees
and we don't come from apes
And anyone who says so
is just plucking sour grapes
No way, not from monkeys
When people tell us that we just frown
Then we continue prayin'
Then run them right out of town

We just believe in creation
God did everything; seven days
We don't believe that Darwin
Who was he, anyway?

Watch yourself; if you teach
we come from lower primates
'Cause you will hear us screech

No way, not from monkees
don't believe from monkees we come
from trees we were not swinging
To think like that is just dumb


Hey, no way, not from monkees
If you say that we will shout you down
You'd better not be teachin'
That Darwin crap in our town

We're just tryin' to be Christians
And make you see things our way
If you teach evolution
you'd better stay away

Hey, hey, not from monkeys
Hey, hey, we're not monkeys
eep, eep, eepa-eepa
eep, eep, eepa-eepa

~ repeat "eep-eep" lines out to fade) ~

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   15

User Comments

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John Barry - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I think you've scoped out the situation, Paul.
Adagio - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Kinda scoped it out, Paul. :D Maybe that is what just creationists think. Others think the other views may be ok as long as it came from God. Good parody...kinda fell in line with the subject. 5's
Kristof Robertson - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Great parody Paul, and sure to stir up some lively debate....555
Johnny D - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Great parody, Paul. Too bad so many people believe in a "god" who allows limited humans to suffer unlimited punishment simply because of their opinions.
Ingeborg S. Nordén - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Clever choice of original song; I've seen a Christian parody site use it to promote creationism ("We're NOT Monkeys"), but the URL has slipped my mind. You played on the original lyrics more closely than that parodist did, though: three opposable thumbs up from me (and count the fingers, while you're at it...*grin*)
Guy - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
The Lone Star state's motto is "Don't Mess With Texas". You think the Badger State should adopt a motto that says "Don't Monkey With Wisconsin"? ;-) I think the schools should be fair and balanced and teach both since no one can absolutely prove either side of the argument. Then there is always that nagging question of "If we came from monkeys, then why are there still monkeys"? Good parody just the same.
Paul Robinson - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks all. 100% proof of evolution (or anything that you cannot actually witness, as I understand it) cannot be obtained. But the theory plays very well with the world we observe. Much, much better than the "Creation Theory", which depends on "Faith", which ought to be kept OUT of Science. If people want to teach "Creationism" it ought to be in an ELECTIVE "Religious Studies" class and as a Theory, not presented as Science, which I believe is a mandatory class in most places (it ought to be mandatory, anyway). If people don't want their kids subjected to that awful, terrible study of things through empirical evidence called "Science" I would allow them to opt out, I suppose, but I sure hate to think of their kids going through life without any understanding of the Physical Universe. I don't think this is all that complicated really. And neither do the people who try and teach Science and apparently many of those who teach about Religion as well. And School Boards, or anybody else for that matter, should not attempt to impose their religious beliefs on others. And I don't think that is all that complicated either. Is this so really hard to understand?
FuNkY mOnKeY - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I go to a Catholic school . . . I actually love my Science class, though -- we're taught a blend of both theories! Woot, I say!
one possible theory to reconcile the two - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Highly-evolved near-human primate looking for a mate in a prehistoric Garden of Eden: "OOGA-OOGA-OOGA! OOGA-OOGA-OOGA! OOGA-OOGA-OOGA! OOGA-OOGA-OOGA! [---sudden flash of divine intervention occurs---] GOTTA FINDA WOMAN! GOTTA FINDA WOMAN! GOTTA FINDA WOMAN! GOTTA FINDA WOMAN!"
Guy - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
So if creation does not belong in Science class then neither does Darwinism since neither are exact. Perhaps they should both be taught in a philosophy study. All I am saying is that there seems to be two schools of thought on this and they should be both taught in the same class so that the individual being taught can have the benefit of getting both sides so they can form their own opinions on the subject. If you put one in Science and the other in a Theology study then this still breeds division on the subject since not every student taking Science will also take Theology. Why teach one and not the other? This is not balanced.
Ingeborg S. Nordén - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
The problem with teaching creationism of any kind--Christian, Native American, Hindu, or even (gasp!) Norse--is that creationism IS based in theology, not in the scientific method. As such, it could be considered an attempt to proselytize students: the last thing public schools need is a whole slew of 7th-12th graders asking to be excused from biology class because they don't accept the Genesis story as true. (If someone in my religion tried to teach the Nordic creation story as a scientific theory, you bet your life that would happen; thankfully, most of us don't take the story literally and neither do I.)
Guy - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
And I suppose that there is scientific fact behind Darwin's theory? Neither one of these belong in a science study. Everyone is always shouting for fair. Seems to me that this is fair. I'm fairly sure that Science is not an elective. I am simply stating that both should be placed in an elective study. Where would a science student who is aspiring to be, say a scientist or biologist ever need anything that Darwinism would teach them? By the same token the first amendment of the US constitution grants religious freedom. There could also be a whole slew fo 7th to 12th graders who are asking to be excused from science class because it steps on their 1st amendment rights.
Ingeborg S. Nordén - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
The evolutionary theory is *darn* important to the life sciences and to geology (people use fossils to estimate the age of rocks, after all)--so yes, a student aspiring to be a biologist would need to learn about it. Only those sciences which don't involve living beings in any obvious way (physics, astronomy, some branches of chemistry) do NOT depend on that theory.
Steven Cavanagh - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I thought science was all about examining pros and cons of competing theories in light of the evidence??
Guy - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
This is so true Steven, so I am at a loss to understand why anyone in an "enlightened" scientific community would ever want to abandon any theory that was relative to the research.
Guy - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Oops I typoed with relative. Should have been relevant.
Paul Robinson - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Ingeborg, very nicely explained. But I don't think you will convince those who believe that all theories are created equal, no matter how much logic dictates that one has a very high likelikihood of being correct and the other does not. But I learned some things from your explanation so they were not in vain.
Stuart McArthur - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Perfect choice of OS Paul. If Darwin's theory had gained support before Christ, the New Testament would have accommodated it - ie. the only reason it wasn't accommodated was that the writers didn't have the benefit of the next 2000 years of scientific, artistic and philosophical progress that we have now - religion is too important and vital to our lives to retard it with fundamentalism, with all of its irrational and violent consequences - phew, what a day for religious issues! - 555
Paul Robinson - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stuart, good points. Yes, it did seem that Religious issues dominated today's entries. Adagio, did your "Fate" parody have anything to do with that confluence of ideas?
Adagio - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul...I think it was mere cooincidence.............mmmm....maybe not!
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Give a man a beer, and he will thank God. Give a man 20 beers, and he will act ass too prove our evolutionary relationship to the monkeys. Give a man 20 beer every day for years and years and he will vote for the most primate candidate.
Paul Robinson - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Know 1 - There is true "wis-dumb" in drinking 20 beers every day. I wrote a parody about that, but no one, including you, know 1, knew the original lyrics (which I kind of expected with the OS song I chose, but it was one I always liked, "Run From Tears", a Steve Stills compostion done by Crosby, Stills & Nash on their 2nd Studio album, circa late 1970's).
Storm the Albatross - April 11, 2018 - Report this comment
Darwin was a wack just like most all evolutionsts are
Brad Snyder - April 11, 2018 - Report this comment
Blasting opposing opinions only helps to make yours appear emotional, thus questionable. Might be best to keep it civil, Storm. Good discussion, people. We may not always agree, but if we can't agree to disagree, we won't survive (take a hint, Dems and Reps). Just my 2 cents.

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