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Song Parodies -> "I'm A Retriever"

Original Song Title:

"I'm A Believer"

Original Performer:

The Monkees

Parody Song Title:

"I'm A Retriever"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

If I carry on like this, I may possibly myself earn a reputation as 'the one who writes weird animal parodies!' This one is pretty self-explanatory...
Everyone mistakes me for a Labrador
Dumb and good with kids but that’s not me
And if you can’t see that I’m a dog with class
You can kiss my blonde and silky ass

‘Cause I’ve got a brain
So I’m a Retriever
Such a pain
I feel every day
When I howl (ooooohhh aaaaahhhh)
I’m a Retriever they don’t believe a word I say

I thought Crufts* would bring me recognition yeah
Maybe Best of Breed but I got nowt
Hasn’t brought me fame and didn’t make me rich
All it made me was my owner’s bitch

But I don’t complain
‘Cause I’m a Retriever
I’m not vain
I’m caught in a trap
It’s unjust (ooooohhh aaaaahhhh)
I’m a Retriever; I can’t believe I take this crap

(Oh, so much crap…)

I’ve still got my pride though, and my dignity
I don’t play with loo rolls on TV**

’Cause I wasn’t trained
No I’m a Retriever
I’ve explained
I hope that it’s clear
Now I’m done (ooooohhh aaaaahhhh)
I’m a Retriever I’m gonna leave my issues here

Not a Labrador
A bloody Retriever
I said before
I’ll say it once more

Oh I’m a Retriever yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeeeaaaaahhh
Remember, Retriever (yes, a Retriever)
I’m a Retriever (doggone Retriever)….
For non-UK residents:
* - Probably the biggest dog show of the year, where owners take their pooches to look pretty and jump around on miniature obstacle courses.
** The UK advert for Andrex toilet paper features cute little frolicking labrador puppies.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Wild Child JIN - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Maybe you are not a retriever, you might just be feral like me. ;-) and even if you're not, seriously, I am! But I love this parody! 5 very loud barks, barked three times! :-)
Andy Primus - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Good to see that you're one of the writers who spends time on the pacing. I'm not a musician, so I can't change it around in my head and make 10 syllables fit into a line that's only supposed to have 7. To me, it either fits or it doesn't fit - and this one fits. Well done. As an animal lover (not literally) I always enjoy a good parody about doggies, or dogging.
Susanna Viljanen - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Aren't Labradors retrievers too? Retrievers are amongst the sweetest and cutest dog breeds around, and here are 555 whisks of the tail. This song sure isn't a doggerel.
Patrick - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Very nicely paced, matches the original exactly. Interesting point of view.
Wendy Christopher - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks for the lovely comments, everyone!
@Andy Primus: I must confess I'm borderline OCD when it comes to pacing :^) I've been known to completely abandon a parody just because I can't get the pacing to work the way I want it to. I'm not a musician either, so it's nice to know there are others out there who rate pacing highly too.
@ Susanna Viljanen: I've never noticed much difference myself to be honest, but I once admired some woman's labrador and she screeched at me "He's a RETRIEVER! Dear GOD, I HATE it when people get that wrong..!" And I was like "Whoa....okay...!" That's what inspired this parody.
Bruno - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
I enjoyed singing along. Gundogs are my favourite. I had a NSDTR or duck tolling retriever who was constantly called a cute collie. (Mares eat oats song) A curley coat and black flatcoat, a yellow lab and goldie, a toller concludes the view. Retriever crew.
Tommy Turtle - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Huge improvement over horrible OS, and LOL @ "You can kiss my blonde and silky ass". (If it's the human Wendy, why, I just might! ;-D )

What Andy said about pacing, and you wanna talk OCD? *Some* nut-case actually wrote a methodical guide to pacing and analysis of same, how to nail it every time, and posted it on the Web:

(oops -- that url means "I'm a revealer". dang! ;)
TT inevitable ADD-lebrained Afterthought - May 18, 2011 - Report this comment
"I've been known to completely abandon a parody just because I can't get the pacing to work the way I want it to."           There's a reCaptcha link right after the copyright of all of my songs posted since about 2009, and also all Fiddlegirl/TT songs, so if you can't make it work, shoot it on over. As TT once said, "You can make *anything* pace to *anything* if you really want to."
(in the outro)

Wendy Christopher - May 19, 2011 - Report this comment
@Tommy Turtle: ROFL! I'm not sure my ass would be all that appealing if it really WAS 'blonde and silky'!
"*Some* nut-case actually wrote a methodical guide to pacing and analysis of same, how to nail it every time, and posted it on the Web: " There's a guide? Oooh, later on, when I've finished some other stuff, I must go have a - *runs off to go and read it*
Hey, that's a great guide - I've never thought of doing that thing with the xxs before (my usual method up to now is to print the lyrics off and repeatedly listen to the song over and over until I hate it so much it makes me cry whenever I hear it. Makes me a real hit at parties, that does...) I shall definitely give that a go in future - might help me finish this Billy Joel one that's currently kicking my butt :^)

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