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Song Parodies -> "Not A Very Bright Vampire"

Original Song Title:

"Light My Fire"

Original Performer:

The Doors

Parody Song Title:

"Not A Very Bright Vampire"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

(gothic organ intro)

That nerdy gothic undead dude
His low I.Q. won't get much higher
Though blood is his only food
He just loves to suck the air from tires

Not a very bright vampire
Not a very bright vampire
Tries to put the bite on...
Tires!


He thinks he's gothic'ly so cool
He's sharpening his fangs with pliers
He's a Metro-sex-a-ghoul
Has a coffin de-humidifier

Not a very bright vampire
Not a very bright vampire
Likes to put the bite on...
Tires! (yeah, yeah!)


(gothic organ instrumental)


He wears Armani, Gucci too
A cape and tux are his attire
Underneath the rising moon
He pretends he's a Ferrari-buyer

Vain, but not a bright vampire
Vain, but not a bright vampire
Stylishly he bites on...
Tires!


Some lying prankster undead dude
Said "If day-walking's your desire,
Drink the potion in this tube,
And in sunlight you will not expire"

Not a very bright vampire
Not a very bright vampire

He believed that freakin'
Liar!

Drank that phony
"Fortifier"

Should have stuck to sucking
Tires

Sunlight set him right on...
FIRE!!!
("OW!!! YEEOWW!!! OW!!! OWWW!!!")
(gothic organ fade-out over frenzied screaming)

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 39

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 2
 1
 
 5   39
 37
 38
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Arwen - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Exceptionally cute, Johnny! 5s...
Joe Melchionne - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
well done 555
Airfarcewon - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Far out and funny...three fives
Adagio - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
LOLOLOL!!!!! Sure you didn't sing with the "Doors"? I know one song I won't keep a straight face on...lol. 5's
John Barry - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
JD, looks like it's songs of the undead for you and me today. Like my fives?
Kristof Robertson - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
I gave yer 5s and forgot ta tell yer...I'm not a very bright vampire, either...
Stuart McArthur - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
loved that one completely Johnny - he's a metro-sex-a-ghoul - hilarious, and the tag line: not a very bright vampire - droll - 555
Agrimorfee - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Cleverly silly. Appropriate to the what may have been the first "goth" rock song. 555
Dee Range - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent, Johnny. Hope it ain't autobiographical :-). High 5's
Ashkicksass - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm smitten with this one too!

Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?

A. Because sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Groan all you want, you know it's funny!
alvin rhodes - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
HAHAHAHA...so funny, i had to read one line...get over my laughing fit, and then read the next...yep, this is one dumb vampire, alright..5s
Know 1 can hear you dream - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
The tire references made me think of that scene in a James Bond movie where he had to hide underwater and survived by air from a tire. (One of the Roger Moore films if my memory serves me right). I remember wondering if that could have worked IRL or if they were just making fun of us SUCKERS in the audience.

Part from that: 555 units of Oooh-type positive.
Johnny D - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you very much, everybody!

Arwen: So are you, Princess Of Immortal Bliss And Beauty!

Joe Melchionne: Thank you, sir.

Airfarcewon: That's what I was trying for!

Adagio: Nope, I didn't sing "with" The Doors...I sang AT them, heh heh heh! ;-)

John Barry: Love your fives! It's a Gothic/Lovecraftian/Bram-Stokerian kind of Halloween-month-day, I guess...mwahahahahahaaaaa... ;-D

Kristof Robertson: So you're a blood-sucking genius, eh? Perhaps a certain political campaign could use your talents: (INSERT CANDIDATE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE)

Stuart McArthur: I love the adjective "droll" - thanks!

Agrimorfee: Hey Agri, you've got a point there - - - maybe "Light My Fire" does qualify as an early, if not the first, "goth" rock song...

Dee Range: Not autobiographical at all, unless you count movies, TV shows, and theatrical productions I've seen!

Ashkicksass: That IS funny, I love it, Ash! Here's one for you:
"Remember, you are unique, just like everybody else."

Alvin: You betcha he's one dumb vampire. Can't tell a jugular vein from a steel-belted radial.

Know 1 can hear you dream: I remember that Bond-movie scene...yeah, maybe the directors & producers were having a GAS showing how TIRED they were of all us SUCKERS!
Ingeborg S. Nordén - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
You certainly stuck your neck out with this parody...fangs for the great job, I think I could die laughing... 5-5-5!
Merry - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Very bizarre! This sounds like one Pip would pen. Have you been messin' with my hobbit behind my back? Hee hee.
Johnny D - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Ingeborg! ;-)

And thank you too, Meriadoc! No way would I be messin' with your hobbit behind your back - - - I would insist on us being in front of you so you could watch....heh heh! ;-D
Meriadoc - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Alright! I looooove watching! Shall we set a date? ;-)
Peregrin - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, but "Who watches the watchers" ? Ha! Good song JD
Johnny D - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Merry (again) and thanks, Peregrin!
Paul Robinson - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny D - Well, just got through filing those tax returns this evening. This one is definitely and LOL...I started that on this line: "He just loves to suck the air from tires" and continued laughing from there. A "tireless" effort from you here...patching up your Firestone's with 5's across here...
MasonR - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
This sucks--which is the ultimate complement in the vampire world. Great job Johnny D--555! (Aside to Paul Robinson--my wife and I just filed our returns too. I'm glad we're not alone in the procrastinating taxpayer's club! Too much time writing parodies when I should be doing my taxes.)
Johnny D - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Paul R. and MasonR!
The Thought Police - October 17, 2004 - Report this comment
This sucks the 5's right out of me!
Count Johnny D of Transylparodania - October 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Vhy thank you, The Thought Police, vee ap-preeeciate your fives ved-dy ved-dy much, mwahahahahahaaaa!
Adagio - November 02, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM Already voted Love it.
Johnny D - November 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Adagio.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Bloody hilarious.
Ash - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM... gosh, it seems like i don't know any songs in this batch of parodies...
Guy - November 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This really sucked, but if you're a vampire I guess it's OK. (I'm laughing) This guy would probably bite the neck that bleeds you.
Kristof Robertson - November 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) As I said before, bloody brilliant!
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still gasping for air here...
Johnny D - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Luke, Ash, Guy, Kristof, and Peter.
Rick D - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
You wrote this during my little comment month, but you know I loved it.
Agrimorfee - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above
Melhi - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) LOL!
Johnny D - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Rick, Agrimorfee, and Melhi.
Claude Prez - November 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Count Dorkula? Funny stuff Johnny.
Johnny D - November 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Yes! Yes! "Count Dorkula", I love it, Claude, thanks!
Arwen - November 20, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--still cute, Mr. D!
Johnny D - November 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Arwen!
Stuart McArthur - November 23, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) "Some lying prankster undead dude" is classic JD - so many great lines tho
Johnny D - November 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Stuart.
John Jenkins - November 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done, Johnny D. Well rhymed, good plot, fun story. And I like the word you coined - Metro-sex-a-ghoul.
martha - November 23, 2004 - Report this comment
this is superb Johnny .... really sharp and dead funny!!!!! 5slots of great lines .. loved the ferrarri verse...and terrific pacing
Johnny D - November 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, John and Martha.
Peregrin - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Great stuff JD! Top 2 finish!
Johnny D - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Pippin! ;-)
Dee Range - November 27, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM...see above vote and comment...highly excellent
Spaff.com - November 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Love it. And so many great rhymes for fire ("coffin dehumidifier" being my fave) that you didn't even have to stoop to "funeral pyre."
Johnny D - November 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Dee & Spaff.
2nz - November 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Coffin dehumidifier was one of my highlights too. As well as the punch-line. Enjoyed it spookily.
Meriadoc - November 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) As above (all of them) ;-)
Johnny D - November 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, 2nz & Merry.
Paul Robinson - November 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) - See earlier comments - This one does NOT suck, JD...superb!
Jeff Reuben - December 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Suck's already used, too late for that one...excellent job!
Johnny D - December 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Paul and Jeff.
Dominic L. - September 05, 2005 - Report this comment
I DKTOS, but I'm going to trust the 33 votes on pacing... I give you 5's That was hilarious and had good rhyming!
Agrimorfee - September 16, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) Still a winner
Red Ant - September 16, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) I do know the OS, and, again, you staked this masterfully.
Adagio - September 17, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) Very good still!!
Gonfunko - September 17, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) I loved the ending (and the rest of it too!)
Michael Pacholek - September 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Don't know how I missed this one, but Count up another five.
Rick C - September 20, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) VERY FUNNY! 555
Ethan Mawyer - September 23, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) nothing to say that hasn't been said... this might be my favorite one of yours that I've read, but there are so many that I'm not sure. 555, easily
Stuart McArthur - September 25, 2005 - Report this comment
(N) yeah, I like everything about this one - droll/vampires is an unusual combination - 555
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 25, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Great rhyming throughout, funny theme, biting wit. "Don't get AIDS, use a mouthguard!"
Kristof Robertson - September 26, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Once again...Vladdy vrilliant!
Anny - May 22, 2006 - Report this comment
LOLOLOLOL LOL LOL!! This is EXTREMELY FUNNY!!! Good job again Johnny D!

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