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Song Parodies -> "Grind, Grind, Grind..."

Original Song Title:

"Turn, Turn, Turn"

Original Performer:

The Byrds

Parody Song Title:

"Grind, Grind, Grind..."

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

While the original song is based on a portion of the Bible, this rewrite is based upon a nightmare I was most-recently reintroduced. To wit, the GRINDER.... Nitrous, combined with a substantial amount of Valium, was NOT enough to endure its NOISE. I swear, that hideous grinding sound felt like the hot storm-winds of an atomic bomb (The Tzar-bomba, to be precise) detonating somewhere between the intact ear and the ear that is missing! (I was born with but one ear, among other things warped and missing.) And now! On with the grinding! Hyah! (Shriek of a dental tool the size of a large jet engine)
Grind, Grind, Grind!

It is your time,
Grind, Grind, Grind. (1)
Those holes(2) are the reason,
Grind, Grind, Grind,
And a time for every nightmare,
At the Dentist's.

A time to chisel, a time to bore,
A time to blast, a time to scream,
A time to fill, a time to be sore,
I swear this is not something to dream!

It is the day:
Grind, Grind, Grind,
This molar the reason,
Grind, Grind, Grind,
And a time to plant dynamite,(3)
At the Dentist's.

'Tis time to fill up, 'Tis time to bear down,
'Tis time to pry open, Removal of plaque!
'Tis time to insert a needle well-honed,(4)
A numbed mouth sags open, seemingly forever.

It is the time,
Grind, Grind, Grind,
This isn't a crime,
Grind, Grind, Grind -
And the time for an impression for a lost crown.

'Tis time to be sore, the harpoon awaits,
The grinder shall whine as your mind deflates,
No more may you escape,
That grinder is shrill, loud, mind-bending...

Hissing of air,
Grind, Grind, Grind,
A daytime nightmare,
Grind, Grind, Grind,
And no words of surcease exist under heaven.

Time to stand up, time to fall down,
Time to wonder while falling *into* the wall,
Drool makes a puddle on your knee,
Ah, Just wait until the BILL arrives, you'll see!
Is this reality? Is it a dream? Is it hell? You tell me. I've got to finish this mess up, and I am not looking forward to a long set-to with that infernally LOUD grinder! Comments: 1) that so-called 'Dental engine' or drill. It's closer to a die-grinder. 2) Holes: Cavities. I have two - one nightmare's worth EACH. 3) A Three Stooges episode involves the three getting a bit carried away with dental plaster, and one of them speaks of putting in a blast. 4) The local anesthetic for the gums AND what goes into a vein, should you need it. It seems I do... Oh, Joy. That's WORSE than the grinder's noise.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Patrick - July 08, 2011 - Report this comment
Powerful and frightening. A song I can relate to. You are by far the best writer of horror on this site.
Rob Arndt - July 08, 2011 - Report this comment
"Open wide"- 555!!!

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