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Song Parodies -> "Sunni in the Sky with Virgins"

Original Song Title:

"Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Sunni in the Sky with Virgins"

Parody Written by:

Callmelennie

The Lyrics

I could have entitled this "Sufi in the Sky With Virgins", but Sufi Muslims aren't the kind to go completely berzerk in the manner that the ISIS terror group has. The second stanza describes actual settings in Al Janeen (The Garden) -- shade, cool springs, women bedecked in silk and gold jewelry being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young boys (Ghilmani). The descriptions of Islamic heaven dovetailed nicely with the surreal lyrics of the OS
Picture yourself near a trench of Yazidis
You emptied your AK, as scores of them died
Somebody cries out, you react too slowly
The shahid with terror-struck eyes
Hellfiring missile of metal and flame
Powering down to your head
Look to your sheikh with the fear in your eyes
And you're gone
(Boom, boom, boom .....)

Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
(A-a-a-a-a-lla-a-a-a-ah)

Floating on up to a spring of cool water
Where jewel-bedecked women on soft pillows lie
Ghilmani smile as you waft past Al-Tooba*
That grows so incredibly high
Bloodthirsty shahid appear by your side
Waiting to whisk you away
Follow their lead to a place near Firdaus
And you're there
(Knock, knock, knock ....)

Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
(A-a-a-a-a-ll-a-a-a-a-h)

Picture yourself at a celestial orgy
With endless young booty for jihadin' guys
Suddenly someone is there for your taking
The girl with the lustrous dark eyes
(Unngh, unngh, unngh ....)

Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
(U-n-n-n-ngh, un-n-n-n-ngh)

Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
Sunni in the sky with Virgins
(U-n-n-n-ngh, u-n-n-n-n-gh)

(Repeat 70 more times ...)



*Al Tooba is a shade tree in Islamic heaven which casts a shadow so large it would take 100 years for a man to cross it on foot. I may be going out on a limb here (;-D) but I'm going to assume it's pretty damn tall too.

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Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 11

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Susanna Viljanen - August 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Wastagferullah! How about women who get killed in the Holy War?
Callmelennie - August 21, 2014 - Report this comment
I don't think Muhammad envisioned women engaging in combat, Susie V, so no 72 hunks for the ladies. On the other hand, although it's not explicitly set out in the hadeeth or in the Quran, most Muslim theologians speculate that the Ghilmani might serve as sex objects for women (and for men) ..... But for women, the emphasis seems to be on aesthetic and tactile delights. Women are dressed in the finest, most comfortable garments and wear the most dazzling jewelry and recline on the softest pillows. They dine on the finest entries and drink crystal pure wine (it's allowed in heaven) with no effects. Basically, for Muslim women, heaven is the greatest lunch date ever.
Rob Arndt - August 21, 2014 - Report this comment
CML, 555 for another enlightening parody filled with info... but 1 error! The Houri are heavenly maidens with YELLOW or WHITE eyes, so no "dark eyes!!!" They are supposed to be spiritually pure with a spiritual body that does not urinate, defecate, nor menstrate. The Quran and scholars, however, disagree over the jihadist claim of what the 72 virgins mean. Many believe this is a misinterpretation of angelic beings. Others clash with female Muslim women being turned into fresh spiritual virgins in heaven for the pleasure of men... and yet others describe gigantic females 90 ft tall and 10 feet wide!!! The Bible does not speak of what heavenly sexual pleasures there are and human spiritual interaction with other humans, angels, or God. Some people have written of visiting heaven and that there is body blending and spiritual orgasm a thousands times the biological equivalent. The term "we shall be like angels" only refers to having an undying perfected spiritual body but does not describe any relationships nor sexuality. I would expect some form of intimacy as pleasure, but again some Believers think that we become sexless in translation and have no more kids while the Quran says that more children will be born without pain and quickly. The Bible says that the Word will be taught to generations forever- this could not be true of any fixed amount of people and no more birth. The angels that visited man did not appear in angelic form but rather as men, meaning that they can shape shift or manipulate matter to suit what they want to appear as. Will we have that ability? Unknown, but some claim that we will be able to change sex and form and also merge with an opposite sex as one being- directly. God and the angels are both male and female already, but dominance is male. So no female angels, no angelic reproduction. Yet, no one knows what heaven will be like for eternity. Anything is literally possible. As for heavenly wine, that's true- Jesus said he would have no new wine until heaven! So it's there.
Slow Reader - August 21, 2014 - Report this comment
For all of you with jobs and other things to do, Rob has the Cliff Notes of his comments at www.brief.kom.
Callmelennie - August 21, 2014 - Report this comment
The Quran can be quite contradictory on all sorts of things, Rob. There are the descriptions of houri that you speak of. But there are also many references to dark eyed maidens, who may or may not be Houri, that will be wed to the believers when they reach heaven. And the 72 virgins of the Hadeeth are described as having dark eyes. I say "of the Hadeeth" because I don't recall the number 72 used in the Quran with respect to celestial sex objects, but it's definitely in one of Mohammed's Hadeeth
Andy Primus - August 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Great title switch & well done. Hadn't even heard of Ghilmani, Al-Tooba & Firdaus.
Rob Arndt - August 21, 2014 - Report this comment
CML, I know what the Bible says about the general rewards for Believers and personal rewards per scripture. All Believers receive a new pure spiritual body devoid of a sin nature, a new name given by God himself, and eternal life. They are perfected prior to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb AFTER the Rapture of the church (which is also the removal of the Holy Spirit). What is judged at the Bema of Christ is not salvation which is guaranteed by grace and the Cross, but what the Believer did subsequent to salvation with the Great Commission and how they lived morally. This gives each Believer a personal reward or loss of reward in some cases. The Bible says that "eye has not seen nor ear heard" what lies in store in heaven for the righteous (not that anyone is righteous as a human being but counting on imputed righteousness of Christ when we accept him). Somewhere in there has got to be intimacy as pleasure as God created man and woman to enjoy themselves AND reproduce. Love= Agape (Unconditional), Philia (Companionship), and Eros (Physical). Physical is described in Song of Solomon. I can't imagine that sex would disappear and Believers are turned into cosmic Barbie and Ken dolls!!! It's just not mentioned. The Quran is not my specialty, but my comments come from contemporary understanding of the Houri and from some Middle Easterm people I have met in my lifetime and talked to, although the number 72 seldom comes up with non-radical Muslims. From what I gather, Muslim men feel that they will be comforted by spiritual women and will be eternally feasting as their reward for living a Godly life. Sorta a cushy eternal lifestyle of non-stop pleasure. I believe that there is a balance and that once God renovates the earth by fire and New Jerusalem comes down from heaven to that new earth and God dwells with us forever that there will be times of worship, work, pleasure, and rest. I've read many accounts by people who claim to have saw heaven (specifically the Third Heaven above the universe) and there are descriptions of luxury, colors and fabric materials that are not here on earth, luminous beings (angels), eating, drinking, worship, prayer, and a feeling of weightlessness (physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually). No doubt due to no presence of evil. It is a lie to say one cannot exist without the other b/c prior to Satan's fall ALL the angels were Holy. There was no sin nor evil. Man was created with free will as an object lesson to the angels of where free will leads to without God- both in mankind and Satan and the Third. Satan will fight heaven again in the middle of the Tribulation period and be thrown to the earth with his angels. Satan will share a body with the Antichrist after a false resurrection and rule for 3.5 years until Armageddon in which Christ returns to save Israel and to rule for 1000 years on what's left of the earth. Satan and his angels will be cast into the Abyss for that time period. After that, he will be loosed again briefly to tempt those born during the Millennial Rule and an army will again mass against His people. But it is smashed immediately and then the Great White Throne Judgement in which all of the evil dead of all time plus Satan and his angels will be judged and condemned- thrown into the Lake of Fire (Gehenna). No more evil- ever. Everything restored.
Meriadoc - August 22, 2014 - Report this comment
This was great - perfect pacing and every line a classic!
Callmelennie - August 23, 2014 - Report this comment
Merry! Haven't heard from you since the end of the Third Age!! So how are you doing? Heard a rumor that you had been squashed by an oliphaunt at Pelennor Fields
Peregrin - August 23, 2014 - Report this comment
Hi CML, sorry, late as usual. I liked the way this one just told it as it was (with bits as envisioned). I thought the lines: "Hellfiring missile of metal and flame, Powering down to your head" were a good visual. Well, not. You know what I mean!

As for the Al Tooba tree, for some reason I got this vision of an Islamic Charlie Brown getting his kite stuck in it.

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