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Song Parodies -> "Bomb Bay"

Original Song Title:

"Birthday"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Bomb Bay"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Me-323 Gigant was a huge German transport aircraft that had to use special tugs and RATO units to get airborne. It was doomed in the MTO but did well in Russia re-supplying German troops with vehicles, armor, artillery pieces, supplies, and 120 men. But in one test a modified version carried an internal 17.7 ton bomb, bigger than anything the Allies had. A He-111Z twinned bomber with a 5th engine and mod wing lugged the beast into the air and then the Me-323 dropped the bomb over the test area out of the clamshell door nose which had been modified with a canvas exit. The Me-323 had to nose-down to drop the bomb which was on a trolley inside running on tracks. It fell through but broke the back of the Gigant, so both detonated upon impact!!! The plane had been strafed days earlier by P-51s and no one had fixed the damage to the tubular steel and fabric covering!!! The 17.7 ton bomb could be manufactured, but no conventional German bomber could carry it. Was to be used with the He-277, but that mod was for a German atomic bomb with smaller dimensions! A unique test and question of why not extended tall gear and custom bomb bay for level drop...??? That has gone unanswered for decades.
Gigant had no bomb bay
The bomb hidden from view, bad
Gigant had no bomb bay
Weight penalty made for am hard climb
On a trolley the bomb lay
Modified nose to fall through

Bomb
Bomb
Bomb
18 tons*
18 tons

He-111Z tugged strongly
The calculations were done wrongly
Yes, this awkward test was all pure folly

It did not have clearance (Bomb bay)
With nose drop took a chance (Bomb bay)
Damage to fuselage glanced (Bomb bay)
Mods- bad

Load:
18 tons

It did not have clearance (Bomb bay)
With nose drop took a chance (Bomb bay)
Damage to fuselage glanced (Bomb bay)
Release, broke its backā€¦

Gigant had no bomb bay
The bomb hidden from view, bad
Gigant had no bomb bay
Weight penalty made for am hard climb
On a trolley the bomb lay
Modified nose to fall through

Test launch was doomed
Bomb AND aircraft went BOOM!!!

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Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 10

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User Comments

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Patrick - February 18, 2014 - Report this comment
One weird plane towing another. Must have been quite a sight. Wasn't the Gigant originally a glider, to which engines were grafted as an afterthought. I've seen some original photos in WWII German soldiers' photo albums. A tempting target for any Allied fighter pilot. Grafted planes, towed planes, parasite fighters, all failures, but that doesn't stop designers from playing with the ideas.
Rob Arndt - February 18, 2014 - Report this comment
Before "Operation Sealion" was to commence there was a armed glider competition between Focke-Wulf, Heinkel, Junkers, and Messerschmitt. Only Junkers got the initial approval for its wooden Ju-322 Mammut (Mammoth) glider and 2 were built (with 98 under construction) before the 322 were scrapped in 1941. However, Messerschmitt's project of tubular steel and fabric then became active for use in the MTO and Russia. The plane started out as the Me-321 glider, but the need for power was so great to lift the 22 ton cargo that captured French Gnome Rhone 14N engines of 1140 hp x6 were used... and tugs and RATO units STILL had to push-n-pull it into the air! The tugs were either 3x Me Bf 110s, a single Ju-290, or a single He-111Z. The Me-323 Gigant was slow at between 99-177 mph (depending on the load) and had a low ceiling of only 13,200 ft! That made it easy prey in N Africa for Spits and Beaufighters. It had 11 defensive guns manned by the troops but it was barn-sized and sluggish. Add cargo of ammo and fuel for the Afrika Korps, and they went up easily. But on the Eastern Front where Germany maintained air superiority through most of the war, the Me-323 was very useful. The experiment with the 17.7 ton bomb, however, was unusual as no German conventional bomber could carry it and neither could a Lanc or a B-29!!!
Rob Arndt - February 19, 2014 - Report this comment
Patrick, funny that you mention the parasite fighters. That started in WW1 with Zeppelin schemes that led to 1920s Brit airship tests and then on to 1930s Russian Zveno (nest) use with a TB-3 bomber carrying 2-5 aircraft! The 2 parasite version was designated SPB-1 and was actually used in the Crimea in 1941 against a bridge. The fighters were Il-16s, each with two bombs under the wings! Postwar, the B-36 carried the RF-84K Thunderflash for extended recon and later the prototype XF-88 Goblin was tested for escort fighter duty. Only 1 test and out of the bay of a B-29. Was a failure of limited capabilities. The pilot had to be no more than 5' 8" and under 200 lbs!!! In WW2, it was reversed- the upper fighter component flew the bomber also and dropped it, guiding it to the target! Daimler-Benz had huge carrier bombers with parasites planned but they never materialized. Virgin Galactic borrows from those concepts.

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