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Song Parodies -> "Catapult"

Original Song Title:

"Wild Honey Pie"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Egbert Souse

The Lyrics

All that follows is parody.
The Catapult is an offense oriented, second-line fire-support BattleMech initially produced on a limited contract for the Terran Hegemony. Its ten tons of armor, fifteen heat sinks and top speed of 64.8 km/h allows the Catapult to deliver its payload of Long Range Missiles on an enemy from great distances without the risk of return fire. The use of four jump jets gives the Catapult a jumping distance of one hundred and twenty meters and the ability to pace faster units over broken terrain. The original Anderson 21 model jump jets tended to break down over prolonged use, venting into the machine's interior and overheating the 'Mech. A general recall in 2566 to replace the 21s with improved Anderson 25s solved the issue, though some Catapults never received this retrofit. The 'Mech is also unique for having a sideways ejection system which, while generally safe, can be quite a surprise to new Catapult pilots.
Representing Hollis Incorporated's first foray into the 'Mech market, the Catapult was produced in record numbers over its initial three-year period from the company's brand-new, state-of-the-art factory. However, when the contract came up for review in 2563, the Hegemony decided not to renew it; while the Catapult had performed adequately at its role, it was not quite what they wanted. With large numbers of the 'Mech still in the field, the Catapult would continue to see use in the Star League Defense Force with second-line and specialist formations such as mountaineering regiments. When the factory constructing them switched over to the more-successful BattleMaster, Hollis' limited production of spare parts couldn't keep the design's numbers from dwindling.
When the Star League fell, many of the remaining Catapults joined Aleksandr Kerensky on his Exodus. The Capellan Confederation collected most of the Catapults that remained in the Inner Sphere, and the Hollis factory on Corey briefly produced new models and spare parts. At the same time, the Draconis Combine managed to seize a sizable force in their capture of Dieron. The renewed production ended when the Corey factory was destroyed at the onset of the First Succession War, ensuring the rarity of the Catapult during the rest of that bloody era. Entire invasions were commenced simply to seize the remaining number of these 'Mechs, particularly those launched by the Federated Suns against the Confederation.
Many variants of this venerable design were produced through its lifetime, and the Catapult's rarity began to reverse in 3033 when Yori 'Mech Works was contracted by the DCMS to produce the completely-revamped CPLT-2K on Al Na'ir. The greatest change to the chassis came later, with the introduction of the CPLT-C3, which swapped out the original's LRMs for much larger and more powerful artillery missiles. These models were put to excellent use, especially when paired with Ravens, and paved the way for new design advancements.
In the years prior to and after the Clan Invasion, The Confederacy and Combine retained the largest number of existing Catapults, though many Periphery realms would field some of the centuries-old models, and more variants would be produced for decades.
Future strife
Future strife

Fourth Reich tech

Jew and Hun
Will be one
Double sun
Shows we’re done

Hollis... no (contract) out of biz

(No spare parts… Repair!)

Catapult now a fizz!

[Cryin’ shame’s what it is]

Al Na’ir wins!

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

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 4   0
 5   4

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Rufus T. Firefly - June 10, 2013 - Report this comment
Hilarious dig at shopworn gig.
Chicalino - June 10, 2013 - Report this comment
On the money, very funny.

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