Song Parodies -> You Never Divvy Your Profits
| Original Song Title: | "You Never Give Me Your Money" |
| Original Performer: | The Beatles |
| Parody Song Title: | "You Never Divvy Your Profits" |
| Parody Written by: | Melanie Lee |
Prequel to the Oil King Medley. Divvy = divide.
WORKER:
You never divvy your profits;
You only pay me a wage starvation,
And if I ever needed hosp’t’lization,
You’d bail out.
CEO:
I never wanted your unions.
You only want to tax corporations.
I’ll source your job out to a cheaper nation;
I’ll bail out.
RECENT GRADUATE:
Out of college, found no job.
Student loan’s due; interests rob.
Rental prices rose;
I’ll stay at home.
Credit cards put me in debt.
Living wages I can’t get.
Independence blows;
I’ll stay at home.
For, oh, parental shielding!
I’ll stay at home.
Oh, parental shielding!
I’ll stay at home.
I’ll stay at home!
PARENTS:
Nooooooooooooooo…
Nooooooooooooooo…
(instrumental break)
MOST WORKING OR UNEMPLOYED AMERICANS:
U.S. Dream:
Work very hard, become everything you scheme!
Now our work’s outsourced from here:
Downsizing, mergers, pay raise years away!
U.S. Dream’s
Been smashed today.
Been crushed today.
Been blown today—yes, it has!
Aiee, aiee, ai-ai-ai-aiee!
EVERYONE:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven…!
(repeat until fade into “Oil King Medley”)
You never divvy your profits;
You only pay me a wage starvation,
And if I ever needed hosp’t’lization,
You’d bail out.
CEO:
I never wanted your unions.
You only want to tax corporations.
I’ll source your job out to a cheaper nation;
I’ll bail out.
RECENT GRADUATE:
Out of college, found no job.
Student loan’s due; interests rob.
Rental prices rose;
I’ll stay at home.
Credit cards put me in debt.
Living wages I can’t get.
Independence blows;
I’ll stay at home.
For, oh, parental shielding!
I’ll stay at home.
Oh, parental shielding!
I’ll stay at home.
I’ll stay at home!
PARENTS:
Nooooooooooooooo…
Nooooooooooooooo…
(instrumental break)
MOST WORKING OR UNEMPLOYED AMERICANS:
U.S. Dream:
Work very hard, become everything you scheme!
Now our work’s outsourced from here:
Downsizing, mergers, pay raise years away!
U.S. Dream’s
Been smashed today.
Been crushed today.
Been blown today—yes, it has!
Aiee, aiee, ai-ai-ai-aiee!
EVERYONE:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7—
Gall’n of gas costs four-eleven…!
(repeat until fade into “Oil King Medley”)
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Actually, the oil companies DO divvy up their profits - by sending 35% to the federal government in the form of taxes (plus a few more percent to state governments), which is one of the highest corporate tax rates in the world. And you lefties wonder why jobs get outsourced.
What Steve K said, plus profits are also divvied through dividends and increasing stock prices; so, as more and more employees own 401K plans, they benefit from their employers' profitability.
This parody is genius! I love reading parodies based upon current events! I one of the many people in this world who's struggling to hold a job because the only kind of jobs I had been doing lately are temp jobs. But I get by very well. Good show, Melanie!!! 555!!
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