Travel fees and VAT as people flee, escape the British weather,
See how they run now holidays come see how they drive,
I'm flying!

Setting up my towel, waiting for the Germans to come,
Not wearing my t-shirt, stupid bloody sunburn, got a funny tummy, curry gave me runny bum.

I'm getting ripped off
I'm feeling pissed off
I am the tourist, stuck on the loo!

London city, transport shitty, rude not pretty cockneys in a row,
See how they push always in a rush see how they snide,
I'm dieing! Im dieing! I'm dieing! I'm dieing!

Travel-lodge custard, growing from a bathroom towel,
Broken lock no heating, comfort only fleeting, rising damp through ceiling, acid rain is leaking down,

I'm getting ripped off,
I'm feeling pissed off,
I am the tourist, I'm gonna sue!

Sitting on an English platform waiting for the train,
And when the train dont come you've only got the leaves on the line to blame,
I'm getting ripped off,
I'm feeling pissed off,
I am the tourist, don't take the tube no don't take the tube!

Neck hurts, leg hurts, road rage convert,
don't you think that I'll run over you?
See how I thigh a baby in the eye, wailing through my meal,
It's crying!

Concertina pile up, slowing down the miles per hour,
Underpaid club reps singing for fake bourgeois,
Man you should have seen them puking down my bedroom door,
I'm getting ripped off
I'm feeling pissed off
I am the tourist,
Don't take the tube, no don't take the tube
Don't take the tube, no don't take the tube, da tube
a tuba tuba tube
a tuba tube
a tuba tube tube
a tuba tube