Some people take their bills and toss 'em away
I use mine to start the fireplace, each day
Gas is shut off,..heat with wood
I'm the gossip of the neighborhood

At least Sixteen Duns,
Each morning, I get
Grow poorer and poorer
And deeper in debt
Collectors keep a' callin'
I just say, "Hello,
The boss ain't here,
I'm the gard'ner, Joe."

Well, I wasn't born mouthin'
Any silvery spoon
Just grew up a' hustler
In a smoky pool room
Went off to Viet Nam
To save all my bones
For these three exwives
And some mortgage loans..

About Sixteen Duns
Each morning, I get
Grow poorer and poorer
And deeper in debt
Collectors keep a callin'
I just say "Hello,
The boss ain't here,
I'm the gardner, Joe.."

I drive a beat up Chevy
Eighty Seven, van
"Jaws" is my pit bull,
Mission, Repo man
Alimony, palimony,
A-D-C child supports
On a first name basis,
Down at all the courts

Around Sixteen Duns
Each morning I get
Grow poorer and poorer
And deeper in debt
Collectors keep a' callin'
I just say. "Hello,
The boss ain't here..
I''m the gard'ner, Joe..

When I see 'em comin'
Process server guys
I duck in the alley,
Wear Chinese disguise
Call me up, Howie,
On "Deal, Or No Deal"
Else I'll prob'aly die owin'
St. Peter a bill

At least Sixteen Duns
Each morning, I get
Just poorer and poorer
And deeper in debt
Collectors keep a callin'
And I say, "Hello,
The boss ain't here,
I'm the gard'ner, Joe."

The boss ain't here,
I'm the gard'ner, Joe..