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Song Parodies -> "I See Ben Affleck and I Want to Kick His Ass"

Original Song Title:

"Paint It Black"

Original Performer:

Rolling Stones

Parody Song Title:

"I See Ben Affleck and I Want to Kick His Ass"

Parody Written by:

Claude Prez

The Lyrics

Funny story -- I had the idea for this months ago, and I was just thinking about getting around to do it when I noticed Jack Wilson did a parody to "Paint It Black" about Ben Affleck :(http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/therollingstones68.shtml).What are the odds? Anyway, whole different angle here; hope he doesn't mind I went ahead and did it.
I see Ben Affleck and I want to kick his ass
Don't need a reason, I just want to kick his ass
I see his movies and his face is everywhere
I have to turn my head and puke like Linda Blair

I'll take a baseball bat and give his skull a whack
That's what you get for "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"
Wanna make believe you're blind? I'll stab you in the eye
Like a newborn baby, I shall slap you til you cry

He's Chasing Amy and I want to kick his ass
It is my Dogma that I have to kick his ass
The Sum of All your Fears is now set to begin
Tom Clancy told me I should kick you once for him

It's Armageddon time; Bruce Willis can't save you
I could not risk your making "Good Will Hunting II"
And if I catch you, like a freshman you'll get spanked
I'll smack you harder than your "Gigli" movie tanked

I see Ben Affleck and I want to kick his ass
I'd like a Greenlight for my project, "Kick Your Ass"
I see that smirky boy with Garners and J-Los
I have to beat his face until I break his nose

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, kick his ass
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, kick his pansy ass
I wanna really kick it
Kick his ass
Kick it hard
Kick it good
I wanna see the blood
Squirting out from his eye
I want to really kick it, kick it, kick it
Kick his ass
Yeah
(dig that kickass sitar white boy)

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 36

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   4
 4
 4
 
 5   30
 30
 30
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
GUFFAW !!!
Tim Mayfield - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
But wouldn't he make a great Green Lantern? ;-) 5's
2nz - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, kick his ass...

The guy's sure taken a lot of ribbing in the past, but your parody successfully reminded me he deserved most of it. He made a career out of not being able to act kinda like Shatner made a hobby out of not being able to sing. Great lines the whole way through, Claude.
Red Ant - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Violent but funny.
Scathe - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Wacky stuff, Claude.
John Barry - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Please allow me to join you. Very funny--5s.
Adam Eccleshall - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent :-)
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
I've had the same idea, but about a different actor, to a different a song, but that doesn't really count, does it? :-)
Rick C - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Okay, now today, we've got bunny vivisection, mice stabbing and Afleck ass-kicking. Doesn't anybody write parodies about nice stuff, like maybe butterflies or daisies? Just kidding, Claude. Great job with this..555
Arwen - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
You know, I'm not even in love with Ben Affleck, and I've still liked most of his movies. So sue me. This still made me laugh, though...extreme violence does that for me.

My favorite was the Project Green Light line...hee! Nice work, Claude...=)
Steve K. - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Good one, but do you really want to turn your head like Linda Blair did?
alvin rhodes - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
this PARODY kicks ass...beautiful job...5s plus
Michael Pacholek - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
You want to kick Affleck's puny little Red Sox fan ass? Take a number, pal! The number five, for example. Seriously, he was about as believable as Daredevil as Val (Jim Morrison) Kilmer was as Batman... when Chris O'Donnell (or Matt Damon) is tougher than you are, that's not a good sign. I give him and Jennifer Garner until New Year's 2008. And, please, God, let the baby turn out like her.
Paul Robinson - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
You know, Claude, I've always felt the same way about Ben Affleck...I didn't know why...thought it was odd to single out one actor I really didn't like...but then I realize there were a LOT of actors I felt the same way about...anyway, 5's, and good luck with that "Bad Ben Bashing"...hey, could be a movie treatment in there ~ ~ ~
wannabemustangjockey - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
This parody kicks ass! 555's
Phil Alexander - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, the only thing I know about Ben Afflick is that he's the co-star of a parody I saw somewhere round here... I didn't realize he owned a donkey ;-)
Spaff.com - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Holy crap. Ten minutes ago I was VERY EXCITED about the parody I had up yesterday. Now I can't even remember what the crappy thing was. Way TMGLTM.

But if I were Jack Wilson, I'd kick YOUR ass. Heh heh.
stuart mcarthur - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
great stuff Claude - loved "Tom Clancy told me I should kick you once for him" - fitting in so beautifully - a Claude parody has become a bit of an event - 555
Linda - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Very funny parody, I am with you on the feelings too! ----- To those who supported the dislike of Ben, (like the world famous parody king Michael and his side kick Paul), don't you get any sense of being a traitor here? After all, he followed Gore around like a puppy, telling thousands to get out and vote and vote Gore, (however, the drop-out dude did not mention in any of those "get out the vote" rallies that he in fact had not voted in the last 2 presidential elections nor had he updated his voter registration to his new address). If all that is not enough to have you more passionate for the boy, he is considering running for a seat in the senate as a demoncrat! One of your very own, with a mind like a wet noodle trap and all, yet, you still do not approve of him or his value to you as an entertainer? Surely if possible you would vote this Einstein into office as he is one of your own, one to be proud of and all. I have never been a fan, but when he does try to run for the senate, I think his value, as an entertainer will rise sharply with me, I love comedy relief. Hmm, I wonder when he runs if he will even be registered to vote for himself, he couldn’t vote for Gore, but maybe he will make some effort in all his party passion to register for his own sake.
Yet Another Dutchman - October 01, 2005 - Report this comment
[trying to jump over Linda's comment] Hey! There's still me! I was the twenty-second voter, I liked it too! I liked it too! You see, that's why I prefer commenting when the parodies are fresh out of the oven.
M!KEY - October 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Such violence..... EXCELLENT! who voted 111? YOU SUCK!
Adagio - October 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Great parody!
Agrimorfee - October 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very funny...I'm surprised you mention any of his "Reindeer Games"! 555
Agrimorfee - October 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(errata corrected) I'm surprised you didn't mention any of his "Reindeer Games"! (there, that's got it)
Kristof Robertson - October 17, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Batten down the hatches...Hurricane Claude's back! Just ROFL funny. Great stuff...555
Stuart McArthur - October 21, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) very witty Claude, and the funniest lines came unexpectedly, which was an added treat - and I do love parodies with a target in their sights
Peter Andersson - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - You'll be delighted to hear that over here his latest movies have all gone directly to video release. Though, of the actors on the current A list, I think Collin Farell is the most overrated.
Your Worst Nightmare - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - Hehe, maybe a little too graphic, but 545.
Spaff.com - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Kickass sitar, white boy. I forgot to say in my previous comment how much I love this. A LOT, that's how much. TMGLTM but I'll M some anyway: Jay & Silent Bob; Greenlight; the humming. I'm sure someone said this already, but this kicks ass. Also, congratulations on not getting a DKTOS from YWN.
Rick C - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still violent but funny. Yes Agri, Reindeer Games was one of his best works. And, he SUCKED in that! Kick his ass, Claude.
Red Ant - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) After Ben Affleck, Ben Stiller would make a good second target for Project Green Light. Great work (over) here Claude.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Continual jokes in MAD magazine involving the Aflac duck, two South Park episodes devoted solely to this theme, and of course the "Pearl Harbour" song from Team America... don't you think Ben Affleck gets enough pay-outs?

...nahhhhhh! Hilarious stuff, Claude.
Larry Hensley - October 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but this is one of those crazily funny parodies.
Johnny D - October 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM)
Claude sees Ben Affleck and he wants to kick Ben's ass
I couldn't a-gree more, that Affleck's dreck is crass
But if I said " Let's give Matt Damon's butt the boot! "
My own ass would get kicked 'cause my wife thinks he's cute!
Chris H. - October 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Hell Yea! Kick his Ass Claude! Man , if I had the chance I sure as hell would. Superb parody , just awesomely hilarious!
Claude Prez - October 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the kick-ass comments everybody.
Arwen - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM...still VERY funny, Claude. Actually more so, my second time around...=)
Tim Mayfield - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) good read.
2nz - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
Even better second time around. Too many clever plays on his movies to not enjoy.
MysteryGoat - November 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS and even though I don't have as much raw distaste for him as you seem too, I liked the song anyway.
Marshall Garvey - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
God, that was hilarious! You perfectly met the pacing of the original.
Anonymous Bob - May 22, 2006 - Report this comment
All 5s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!
Jack Wilson - October 08, 2006 - Report this comment
No Spaff, Im not kicking his ass,CUASET HIS WAS83973897589375937493 TIMES BETTER THAN MINE! Although I love the Kevin Smith movies he's in, this was AWESOME 555!
Jack Wilson - October 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Claude as you cans ee I really dont mind that you went ahead and did it However I DID think of the sequel to it, which I shall to called "Kickin Ben Affleck;s Ass"to "Takin Care of Business" maybe "Takin Care of Ben's Ass" might work too...
Yoidy - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
SInce everybody's here, let's all kick Ben Affleck's ass!
Michael Pacholek - March 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Well, we're past New Year's Day 2008, and Ben and Jen 2.0 are still together. I guess I was wrong. But I still hate his baseball team.
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2008 - Report this comment
I thought he hooked up with Jimmy Kimmel?.... :)

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