Sword was ever waiting in the stone
No man could pull it forth
Many failed and left glumly

Between squires and pages Arthur pressed
He gloved hot gleaming iron
Excalibur sprung free


King Arthur barked,
"I'm waiting in the dark --- for my favorite Page to blow me now"

Merlin left a snake-snout in the rain

Then with eye of newt he baked it
And he told the King to take it
'Cause it's Merlin's magic recipe for men
Oh-ho!


Arthur loved the yellow silken dress
Foaming like a wave
Guinnevere wore 'mongst the trees

Yet still, the tender Pages he'd command
And those young boys obeyed falling on their knees


King Arthur's Page
Has knelt there in the dark --- on that Kingly Knight he's going down

Merlin left a snake-snout in the rain

Then with eye of newt he baked it
And he told the King to take it
'Cause it's Merlin's magic recipe for men
Oh-ho!


"There will be another dong for me,
For it's my Kingdom
There will be another Page for me,
Someone will bring him
You will drink my wine while it is warm,
And never let me catch you looking at me, son,
But after all the loves of my wife,
After all the loves of my wife,
You're still much more fun."

"I will take my wife into my arms and we will make it
I will win the worship of her eyes but I will fake it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
But during all the loves of my wife,
During all the loves of my wife,
I'll be thinking of you,
My young Page-boy guy."


(long instrumental)


King Arthur parked
His gelding in the dark --- for Sir Lancelot to bugger-down

Lady Of The Lake shouts "You're insane!"

"You're no King, you're just a Satyr!"
But those words made Arthur hate her
So he drained the frickin' Lake that she lived in
"Oh-ho!"
"Drain-oh!"
"Go blow!"
"You ho!"