he sleeps in the park and he shaves in the dark
mr. mustard
a hole in the road is his humble abode
mr. mustard
he's savin' his bread up to buy him some clothes
an old ten bob note he keeps crammed up his nose
a quite surly cuss as you just might suppose
mr. mustard

his sister's named pam and she works in a shop
she's miss mustard
she's a go getter, that gal never stops
she's miss mustard
she takes out her brother to look at the queen
he always shouts something absurd and obscene
a dirty old man, and what's more, he's real mean
mr. mustard

now, she's kinda sweet, but her brother's all wrong
mr. mustard
i like to see pam, lest her brother's along
mr. mustard
his sister plays fair but her brother's so low
there's no way of knowin' how low he might go
i don't mind ol' pam but i sure hate her bro
mr. mustard

he's mean
no class
i mean, despicable
forget about him