If I had a stuh… stuh… st… stammer
I’d stuh… st… stammer in the daytime
I’d stuh… st… stammer in the nighttime
Try to under s… st.. sstand

I’d stuh… stuh… st… stammer out suh su… slowly
I’d stuh… stuh… st… stammer out qwuh… quickly
I’d suh… stammer out st… stuff and you’d wonder what I uh…. Uuuh uttered
Try to under s… st.. sstand

If I had a lisp
I’d be talking un-cwisply
I’d be talking like ‘tis thee’
Try to underthstaaannd

I’d tawk like [Mike] Tython
I’d talk like Chuck Norwis
I’d be sownding just like ol’ Cha-rles Nelthon Wiley
Try to underthstaaand


If I had a draaawl
Y’all be thinkin’ I’m Texan
I’d be twangin’ while speaCAN
Try to under-staand

Ya’ll ’d call me country
Ya’ll ’d call me a bumpkin
Ya’ll ‘d say I was a-kissin’ my sisters and my cousins
Try to under-staand

Well I got a stuh… stuh… st… stammer
And I got a lisp
And I got a drawl to boot, try to understand

With a stammer so stuh… stuh… st… strainful
And a lisp so painful
Plus a drawl so gosh darn bad it’s a wonder you would lithen
Try to underthstaaand

{REPEAT LAST VOISE (I mean verse)}