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Song Parodies -> "Kampfpanzer (Horst Zweig version)"

Original Song Title:

"Bonanza (Lorne Greene version)"

Original Performer:

Lorne Greene

Parody Song Title:

"Kampfpanzer (Horst Zweig version)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I seem to be channeling my inner Robert Arndt here. In German, the word panzer technically means "armor" During WWII, the official word for tank was the unweildy "Panzerkampfwagen" After WWII, this was shortened to "Kampfpanzer", so I'll use this word; because hey, it's the closest thing to "Bonanza" Other notes: "Char" is the French word for tank; Heinz is Gen Heinz Guderian, who revolutionized tank warfare
We gotta chance to overrun France -- Kampfpanzer!
If Heinz breaks loose at the River Meuse
We'll roll them to the sea
Frenchies used Chars, might as well've been cars -- Kampfpanzer!
We kicked their ass 'cause they didn't mass
How dumb can their generals be?

Shock and speed were what we need
For total victory
Drive to the East, kill the Bolshevik beast
And rewrite history

Now Eastern war, meet the T-34 -- Kampfpanzer!
Messing our drawers cause it's better than ours
So it's back to the drawing board

Double the weight, mount an 88
And Tiger is its name
Win the exchange with double the range
We think it'll change the game

Evened the score with this beast of war -- Kampfpanzer!
We blow their tops while their shots bounce off
Looks like we got our wish
But plans may be foiled cause we din't get the oil -- Kampfpanzer!
The things got a gun, but at 62 tons
It drinks fuel like a fish

Clashed at Kursk, where we fared the wurst
They swarmed at us like ants
Tactics strange and point blank range
It made us yearn for France

Comes something new called the Tiger II -- Kampfpanzer!
Same old gun but a 70 tons
It's a useless tool cause we ain't got fuel
Fuehrer seem to have lost the plot
Which spells the end for
Kampfpanzer! Kampfpanzer! Kampfpanzer!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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Randy Hearn - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Good twist on this song!
Patrick - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Good history lesson. Rhymes well. Got the "wurst" at Kursk. I like that. Just noticed that the security code for the this comment is DAK (Deutsche Afrika Korps). Erwin Rommel.
Callmelennie - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Thank you, gentlemen. Hopefully, this will silence once and for all the deafening chorus of naysayers who said it'd be impossible to tell the full story of the German panzer warfare experience in WWII by means of the Bonanza theme song ;-D
Rob Arndt - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Ja, Ja- 555!!! Beat me to it but you're right, during WW2 it would be PzKpfw and not postwar Kpz. But a few things historically. Germans were building tanks in Sweden and USSR in secret before the war and when they encountered the T-34 it was a shock but the Panther's requirement was already in place before 1942. The Panther (Mark V) actually came before the Tigers and is generally acknowledge as the best all-around tank of WW2 with interleaved wheels, tosion-bar suspension, well shaped hull and turret, rear engine/front drive, powerful 75mm, and good performance with a weight of 50 tons. The French had more modern tanks than the Char BI-bis encountered in 1940, but relied on outdated tactics that could not stop Guderian's Blitzkrieg (combined arms) strategy. Germans used captured French tanks for AB and other local patrol duties. The Char's weakness was its left engine venting that could be taken out very fast by small arms and flame weapons. Small numbers of the more modern S-35 were captured and used by the Germans and Italians. The French in secret designed the ARL-44 but after liberation in 1944 it did not appear in public until July 1951!!!
Porfle Popnecker - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
This is a parody worthy of Lorne Greene.
Callmelennie - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Porfle, I was considering adding another parody based on the short version of Bonanza called "Jadpanther" (which was the name of a German tank destroyer) but I only came up with one stanza -- We got a right to light up anyone who fights us; if anyone screws with a Tiger II, they gotta deal with me
Rob Arndt - April 24, 2012 - Report this comment
CML, please see my author page for all the German tanks and other German weapons from the Franco-Prussian War to modern day. All the major panzers of WW2 are covered as well as prototypes and designs. And it's Jagdpanther (Hunting Panther)- best tank destroyer of WW2 although the Jagdtiger was larger with more powerful 128mm PAK 44 L/55 main gun and weighed 72 tons with the same Tiger Maybach HL230 P30 engine!!! Armor was superior to King Tiger up front with an amazing 10"!!! No frontal penetration possible by any tank.

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