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Song Parodies -> "Our Patriot Things"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"Our Patriot Things"

Parody Written by:

Rod Worden

The Lyrics

"We must redouble our vigilance to ensure our security and to prevent further acts of terror. But we must also redouble our vigilance to preserve our values and the basic rights that make us who we are... The Founders who wrote our Constitution and Bill of Rights exercised that vigilance even though they had recently fought and won the Revolutionary War. They did not live in comfortable and easy times of hypothetical enemies. They wrote a Constitution of limited powers and an explicit Bill of Rights to protect liberty in times of war, as well as in times of peace... You and I have a duty to analyze, to test, to weigh new laws that the zealous and often sincere advocates of security would suggest to us." --Sen. Russell Feingold (the sole senator to vote against the Patriot Act), in an address to the AP on Oct 12, 2001. This 300+ page piece of legislation, passed hastily after 9-11 in an atmosphere of highly charged emotions, is set to expire this year (2005). Some, myself included, want it repealed right now. Others want it strengthened. What do you want?
Warrantless wiretapping, chumming for chatter
Innocent people tracked, what does it matter?
Chilling of discourse this surveillance brings
These are a few of our Patriot things..

Libraries, bookstores, and websites viewed lately
-- Sources of actions or comments "un-State-ly" --
Can be subpoenaed --are we in Beijing??
These are a few of our Patriot things..

Sneak and peek searches with secret permissions
Treading on freedoms in fascist traditions
Nine-one-one terror, hysteria springs,
Trading our birthrights for Patriot things..

When the cops call
When John Does fall
When you're safe and well
Remember broad dragnets these Patriot things
And you might not feel so swell


** (Instrumental break, as mainframes whir quietly..) **


Why all the hand-wringing, why all the big fuss?
Let's start with jailings sans habeas corpus!
Innocent people detained and accused
No legal charges, their freedoms abused

'Twas once our right to confront our accuser
This Patriot Act is a freedom-abuser
Whatever happened to probable cause?
Barbarous acts follow rights-gutting laws

What value "freedom" with privacy stolen?
Government agents to look up your colon!
Liberty Bell, how much fainter it rings
Thanks to our fear-prompted Patriot things

When it's YOUR ass
--I.D. won't pass--
'When YOU'RE feeling sad..
Just simply remember those Patriot things
We swapped for the rights we had




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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

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Leo Jay - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Terrific.
Kristof Robertson - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey Rod, where ya been? This is a clever (and very scary) return. 555
John Barry - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Though-provoking and well written.
Rod - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, guys! I'll try to keep in touch if they allow computers.
Ravyn Rant - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Beautiful, Rod! Wish I could give you sixes. The rhymes were wonderful.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
As if true patriotism could be forced by law. This reminds me of something I read once, don't know where but it went along the lines of; You know the natural development of a phenomenon is over when it becomes subject for statistics or legislature. I guess that applies to patriotism too...
Rod - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks R&R and Peter! Peter: The so-called Patriot Act actually has NOTHING to do with patriotism other than its acronym (P roviding A ppropriate T ools R equired T o I ntercept and O bstruct T errorism). I consider myself patriotic, but not to the point of supporting causes, laws and wars that are repressive and/or unconstitutional. This could truly be a great country again if we would get back to respecting and defending our Constitution and Bill of Rights, and getting the hell out of worldwide nation-building business. I know, this won't happen overnite..
Rick C - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Rod, great parody! 5's I'm new here but, starting to feel right at home.
Johnny D - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Take it from this mainframe engineer ... sometimes mainframes whir quietly, indeed .... other times ... they FART LIKE A BULL IN HEAT. Great job, Rod!
Stuart McArthur - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Coming straight from Phil's, it's starting to get a bit apocalyptic in here - "too much brilliance in the at-mos-phere" - excellent - 555
Michael Pacholek - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
What do I want, Rod? I want to go back in time and get Bush drunk (shouldn't be too hard) and get him sworn into the U.S. Army so he can get shipped off to Vietnam. At the absolute least, it might turn him into somebody who has a freaking clue as to what really happens in war when you're not thousands of miles away from it, and a clue as to what is a threat to America and what is not. At the absolute most, it will create a Gore vs. McCain race in 2000. Compared to what we actually got, either one would be a victory for our country. Oh yeah, I also want to give you straight fives.
Rod - April 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Rick, Johnny, Stuart, Michael--Thanks guys! And great commentary, Michael, I agree. But wait--didn't Bush fly in at Thanksgiving and serve up some mashed potatoes or whatever? And didn't Rummy just fly in the other day to hand out some medals? I can only imagine the level of morale those visits inspired!
Catch 23 - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Scary, isn't it? 555
Rod - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Catch. Sure is! And we've become so spoiled, lazy, and ignorant as a nation, that the average person doesn't even know what liberties he/she has lost to this act. I'd bet that the overwhelming majority of the readers and contributors to this site take this [ Amiright ] forum for granted, as if freedom of political expression were somehow guaranteed. It WAS guaranteed, of course, prior to passage ot the act. Scary, indeed.
Guy - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
What I want in this matter is for all lawmakers and federal judges to follow the constitution as the founding fathers intended and not whatever they think it should be. They need to understand the spirit and intent that was so well thought out by these founders whenever they want to try something like the patriot act, seperate church from state, consider right to die measures, interpret what the founding fathers indicated when they did not address marriage as that union between a man and a woman and so on. In my opinion the patriot act was stood up when we were a paniced and startled nation and was the result of what the lawmakers understood their constituents wanted at the time. It is time to let this thing expire I think. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Check out guys like Kim Jung Il and Saddam Hussein just to name two. And you are right Rod, this is not Beijing and the patriot act is just plain scary. And I voted twice for GWB. Great parody, well written and thought provoking.
Rod - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Guy, for a most eloquent presentation of thoughts and feelings absolutely pertinent to this issue. I agree with you 100%.
Michael Pacholek - April 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Rod: Yes, he flew in and presented the troops with a turkey. Himself. The mashed potatoes? The contents of his skull. "Cranberry sauce..." Could that mean "John Kerry's gone"? I even had a parody title ready to go on that subject: "Salmonella" to "Arizona" by Mark Lindsay, but I never got around to writing it. Now, it wouldn't make sense. But I think Guy touches on something: Name one thing that a Democratic President has done that worries Democrats as much as what some Republicans think of the Unpatriot Act. OK, there haven't been a lot of Democratic Presidents, but LBJ's escalation in Vietnam and Carter's handling of Iran would be about it for the last 60 years.
Rod - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Michael: LOL at your turkey & mashed potatoes references!

On the subject of which prez has done the most worrisome thing in the eyes of his greedy, groveling, self-serving party minions, I would definitely agree that this one wins hands down.

However, I think we miss the point if we stray into a discussion of partisan politics. The real issue, I believe, runs much deeper, spans generations and continents, and simply involves dangerous concentrations of (poly-partisan) raw greed and power. True wealth (as in OLD, SUPER WEALTH) has a way of concentrating and growing itself over generations. Since most laws today are actually written by lobbyists working for large, global conglomerates --notwithstanding the singular lines of verbage snuck through by members of Congress and the Senate--whose interests are served by the tyranny that is the Patriot Act?? I say Big Government, Big Banking, and Big Business. Did you know that "our" Federal Reserve is, in fact, a private corporation tied into the highest levels of the world's most elite and powerful banking circles? The Fed "prints" billions of dollars a week, out of THIN AIR, loans it to us, then collects the INTEREST-- the most expensive item in the federal budget. A true something-for-nothing money machine scam! As a consequence, the U S dollar has been crashing. Indeed, it has lost 95-98% of its value since the inception of the Federal Reserve (and its collection agency, the IRS) in 1913. Homes (and all other things and services) are higher priced today because our dollars are worth LESS. Do you think that those who benefit so handsomely from the ravages of inflation (and consequent higher interest on federal debt) want true awareness of inflation's cause to leak out? The Patriot Act facillitates totalitarian control over individual expression and individual finance. They DON'T want their ox gored.

Honestly, Michael, I have come to believe that partisan politics, at least on a national scale, is really nothing more than a grandiose dog and pony show meant to distract us from the much larger power grab going on behind closed doors. That said, I sincerely hope we are able to muster enough bipartisan support in the meantime to crush this despicable, naked threat to our freedoms, and stave the bastards off another day.

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