Drivers and texting, a cop needing shoeshines
Half thru a book, find a page missing two lines,
Horses with bad breath, ice cream cones that splat
I wonder is there a visine for that...

Loud talk at movies, theatre floors sticky
Wives with a headache when we want a quickie
Jerky zoo monkeys, mechanics named Pat
I wonder is there a visine for that...

Thin, doughy pancakes, no air in the batter
Bad hitten baseballs, car windows that shatter
Oysters without pearls, a kick from a brat
I doubt if there is a visine for that...

When a door's stuck,
When you don't duck,
'Neath an overhang..
Set for a picnic,
Wife calls you nitwit,
Grill you forgot to brang...

Bridge toll delays while some guy hunts for quarters,
Rats in the trap for two days, rigor mortis,
Jehovah's Witnesses, tight fitting hat..
Don't think there is any visine for that

Ringtones on cellphones, a hot knife in butter
Somebody sneezin' nearby when you putter
Shrunk rotten apples, a cat that won't scat..
Tell me if there is a visine for that

Sick the whole weekend, no doctors till Monday
"I'll call you right backs" who don't phone till Sunday
Twin gnomes at driveways, a drop in "Old Frat"
I'm certain there is no visine for that..

When a tent leaks,
When a door squeaks,
Floppy hanging fat..
Too tight parking places
Big thirst, no oasis..
There's no visine...for...that

Not a visine for that..