Acne and Asthma, my plasma's anemic
Obese, bipolar, dyslexic, bulimic
Day in and day out pop two thousand pills
Can't ease the symptoms of my chronic ills..

St.Vitus Dance, Crohn's disease, epilepsy
Measles and Mumps and an ulcer from pepsi
Amnesia, Rosacea, fever and chills
Score up some more of my bad chronic ills..

Neuritis, bursitis, shingles, and bunions
Boils and carbuncles, some bigger than onions
Callouses, hammer toes, Achilles heels
Long is the list of my bad chronic eels, (er, ills)

Tonsilitis,
And tinnitus,
Acid 'flux, a lot..
There aren't any names for some things that I've had
Or some of the ills...I've...got..

Hives and psoriasis, blackheads, and rashes
Dandruff and fungus flakes on my eyelashes
Parkinson's tremors that cause coffee spills
Docs are amazed at all my chronic ills..

Colic, congestion, convulsions, consumption
Dog tired poor blood, never have any gumption
Warts on my penis resemble jarred dills
Should be in Guiness with my chronic ills..

Jaundice and jail fever, a-k-a typhus
Kidney stones, lockjaw, severe Richard Dreyfuss
(Dreyfuss?...Yeah, that's extreme lock-JAWS)
Slipped disc with sciatica causes spills
Tally more batches of my chronic ills..

Knobs on both knees,
Dry cough and wheeze
Arteries clogged rough..
On top of these ailments, I've found out that I'm
Just plain sick of all..this..stuff

Neuralgia, Addison's, catarrh, phlebitis
Croup and diptheria, brain meningitis,
Hernias, goiter, nodes in my nos-trils
Not enough tonic for these chronic ills

Gallstones, abcesses, mononucleosis
Quinsy, and dropsy, and psychic psychosis
OCD, ADD, SAD, Chills
Medicare dumped me for my chronic ills

Hodgkins, the vapours, the grippe, and pnuemonia
Olympis, (a fear of Tai Babilonia)
High astronomical medical bills
Shadow the moon from all my chronic ills

Not much "Hope-ra"
Even Oprah,
Fifty Doctor Phils..
Could not find a way, though combining their skills
To cure all my chron..ic...ills