There's a fast-food chain I know whose coffee is too hot
I spilled some on my lap while on my cell phone
Had to drop my cigarette, and it made a nasty spot
Soon I'll sue - for a million - soon I'll sue

My parrot died last Sunday 'cause he ate some lemon curds
There was no warning note upon the label
That it's very wrong for me to give this stuff to birds
Soon I'll sue - for a million - soon I'll sue

And when my lawyer calls
He'll have some good words to say
Guess it's 'cause he worked a con just earlier today

My neighbor wrecked my paint job 'cause he just got in the way
When I turned the corner, he had his hose on --
He hates me now but I don't care, 'cause now he'll have to pay
Soon I'll sue - for a million - soon I'll sue

And when my lawyer calls
He'll have some good words to say
Guess it's 'cause he worked a con just earlier today

So listen, all you people, you can make big bucks
You can sue anybody for a trifle
Just fall down on someone's lawn and you will change your luck
Soon you'll sue - for a million - soon you'll sue