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Song Parodies -> "True Pirate Tales of Drunkenness and Cruelty"

Original Song Title:

"Both Sides Now"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Joni Mitchell

Parody Song Title:

"True Pirate Tales of Drunkenness and Cruelty"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Did Pirates exaggerate their exploits? Is there a man alive today who can say for sure that they did?...but - perhaps...just a "wee tad"...after all, they had to "paint the story" with words, there being no motion pictures in those distant days of marauding about on the ocean's waves...
Pirates tell outlandish tales
Of mirth and jest; like winded sails
Embellished? Aye, the truth - it pales
It's much more fun that way

Ahoy! Ye dirty, scurvy scum
I laugh at ye; then drink me rum
I'll slit ye throat to make ye mum
Ye'll not have much to say

We threw ye captain off the bow
The sharks; they smiled, they like fresh chow
Yer screams; to them they're "supper" call
Aye, sharks; they like fresh meat to maul

Soon ye're doomed; a “Happy” meal
the sharks prefer ye to the eel
Their bite is sharp; ye'll scream and squeal
To no avail, I'd say

And now they're through; ye're left alone
Yer flesh consumed; what's left is bones
Sharks feel no guilt; need not atone
Don't recognize yer pain

Ye've just been dealt a gruesome fate
By hungry sharks ye have been ate
Yer pleas for help on deaf ears fall
To sharks ye're just a snack; that's all

Screamed and hollered, “Save me now”
Sharks circle in off starboard bow
To save yer butt; I don't see how
I'll look the other way

But even as I glance away
I hear yer frantic screams of pain
But risk my life? Against my grain
A scurvy rat I be

We threw that Captain off the bow
‘Least that is how we tell it now
There be no man here; none at all
Who'll testify these tales be tall

A Pirate's Tale, I tell ye now
No man around to disavow
Embellished? Nay, no, not at all
I say it be as I recall

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   17
 17
 17
 

User Comments

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Stuart McArthur - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
bad luck for the shark who got the wooden leg - or the parrot - 555 paul - waiting for the book
Ravyn Rant - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
This could be the best one yet, Paul!
alvin rhodes - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
you've outdone yourself...positively brilliant...5s plus
Johnny D - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
ARRRHHH! Y'knew i'd be 'round to five ye fer the likes 'o this, matey!
Tim Mayfield - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Nothing fishy about this tale.... 5's
Kristof Robertson - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Tell me Paul...how exactly to you shiver timbers? :-) Great job as usual. 555
Paul Robinson - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Arrrgghhh! and many thanks to ye all...must have some pirate blood in me...hmmm...but I don't know of any Polish or Lithuanian/Romanian Pirates...many on the "black sheep" side of me family...when I was younger more than a few folks told me I looked more than a bit like Errol Flynn...heh...well, swash me buckles ~ ~ ~ maybe, just maybe, another Pirate number in the works soon...thinkin' on it right now...hmmm...Pirates...the ocean...sharks...cruelty...bad breath & poor hygiene...must be a parody there somewhere...
Lurker - February 12, 2005 - Report this comment
It's awfully tough to get a dozen 5+5+5s.
Paul Robinson - February 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you for making that happen, Lurker...
Michael Pacholek - February 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Argh! Any swab who don't vote this'n fives gonna walk the plank! Especially when you imagine a pirate's voice singing it instead of Judy Collins' aching soprano. And, let us give full credit here, you managed to NOT "jump the shark!" But another good Pirate parody? Well, Pittsburgh hasn't made the baseball playoffs in 13 years now, despite a new ballpark's revenues, and I turned "Dream Weaver" into "Three Rivers," so it's possible. Or maybe you can do something with Seton Hall basketball.
Paul Robinson - February 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Michael...however, the Pirates baseball organization is already too much of a parody in and of itself...what could I say to make fun of them that isn't already appearing in the factual accounts of their last season, it's games and the player transactions/management choices that newspapers and sporting periodicals haven't already said? Seton Hall? Haven't followed much basketball this year, College or Pro...so...the next Pirate parody, due to hit port tomorrow by me reckoning, is "Pirate Lust", which is about, well...Pirate Lust...being at sea for long periods of time and what that can do to a man...especially a hot-blooded, lust-loving Pirate...

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