I hear the phone a ringin' They're calling me again,
I haven't given them one dime, Since, I don't know when,
The marketers keep callin' They think that I'm some clown,
They say it's for the children, How can I let them down.

When first I got a telephone, The only folks that called,
Were family, and bill collectors, I almost loved them all,
But somebody somewhere gave my name to charity,
And now they all want my help, Supporting causes I can't see.

There's veterans disabled, And Cancer children's fund,
In my City, state and county, Police have been outgunned,
And if I do not help them, For just a buck a day….
They promise they'll keep calling, To take my cash away.

It does no good to protest, Leave the phone off of the hook
They're only doing their best, To help folks by the book,
My local superfund site, Will soon reach my yard,
If I don't give them money, they'll make my life hard.

They act like bill collectors, Thank me for my support,
I have not been called "sir" so much. They must do that for sport,
"Cause they have got my number, But I can't call them back.
And if I get nasty, they switch to full attack.

I've got a neat solution, when they call again,
Ask their help to pray with me to God with my problem,
Just never take a deep breath, that gives them time to think,
And if you do it fast enough, you'll drive them all to drink.