One day, Daddy said, "Son, you're on your own"
I wasn't quite prepared to go it alone,
But I didn't gripe, I just hitched my huggie a smoo..
A little young to work and rent a room,
But maturity started in the womb
I stood six feet tall and I was just age two

Every famous doc and world scientist
Never knew how to label me on their odd list
So, placed beneath my name, a question mark..
Things were kind a' rough for the first few months
Got crazy laughs when I made job hunts
Till I signed with the city, cleaning up the park

Every morning I'd mix my formula
Waddle to work, greeted folks, "da da"
Packed extra huggies in my diaper bag..
Park's littered trash..was my job to pick
I filled waste cans..used a sharp edge stick
By each days end, my huggie would really sag

Named Pickie of the Month, received a star
Scraped and saved my pay, bought a kiddie car
Fridays with the gang I'd pop a brew..
Though I grew up fast, I was still a twerp
When my tummy'd bloat they'd help me burp
Quite a sight with a six foot tot, who's just age two

While the guys at work were talkin' XXX,
Perked my ears to listen and discovered sex
Not supposed to hear, becuz' way too young was I..
But I'd sneak and listen every day,
Found myself a girl, who went all the way,
Told her I'm age two, what do I do?
Off, my huggies fly..
(what a crazy cougar!)

Well, I learned real fast from her sexpertise
We floored some more, blistered up my knees
When I told all the guys the next day..they were skepti-cal..
So, I showed 'em a photo of my girlfriend,
Told 'em just fifty dollars I had to spend
They said, "Boy, you just bought yourself a hooker, you Ragin' Bull!"

Well, after that they'd let me listen in,
To their dirty jokes and brags of sin
I felt like a man even tho' I was infantile..
I learned to fight and I learned to cuss
They all said, "Hey now, Boy..you're one of us"
And then we'd scrap and wind up in a big dog pile

One day I heard the mirror speak
"Not a chance for advancement as a paper geek,
Here you are, almost three and life is zipping along.."
So, I left city park and I said goodbye
Gurgled, "See ya' guys", fought a baby cry.,
I won't forget they helped to make me strong

Accepted for a government college loan
Qualified for foodstamps, an Obama phone
Plus Medicaid, where a lady tweaked my cheek, "Coo, coo"..
Received PIPP, and, also, Heap
Prescription Ambien because it helped me sleep
Good public assistance for a boy just age two

In college chose my life's career
The perfect one that's right and clear,
In three months graduated with a high IQ..
Earned Phd..took pre-med school
Hung my shingle up..and it looks really cool
I'm a baby doctor now, a boy aged two

(Obstetrician..you know)