My grandpa was quite the minister
And no one ever thought him sinister
But this ol' preacher had ways of making you think twice
Now, I wouldn't say that he was obsurd
But this backwoods preach liked to play on words
Just you go and ask my dear ol' "Antie Christ"

Well, he always claimed he'd answered God's call
But he had a lot of nerve, and a lot more gall
Mom's sis' never listened to his advice
When he would holler she would get mad
She'd never be the son he wanted bad
You see that, gramps t'wasn't nice to my "Antie Christ"

Well, she grew up to be a lesbian
And loved to ride Harley Davidsons
Kick starting her own motorcylce gang
She was the leader of the 'Dykes on Bikes'
A name her father would never like
Getting him back for causing her so much pain

Well, it was Sunday mornin' in Cedar Falls
When she rode through town with her head shaved bald
And thought she go and try to break some ice
In a weathered church with a wooden cross
There at the pulpit, looking cross
Stood the wise crackin'louse that named her 'Christ'

Well, she introduced him to the gang as 'pops'
Telling the congregation 'Don't call the cops!'
while blood was draining from his face and now blood shot eyes
He was short and fat and long in tooth
ANd she yelled at him 'Now I want the truth?'
Why'd you have to name me 'Christ'? why, why, why, WHY?
I wanna know Why?

Well, gramps was so shaken and couldn't speak
So she bitch slapped him across the cheek
He fell down with a thud! breaking his dentures on the floor
Then he starts mumbling something with bloody gums
Something along the lines of 'thy kingdom come'
Pitching and a screaming on the rug while the tears start to pour

He never thought it come to this
And he never seen her so darn pissed
And how could this biker chick still be his little girl?
He blew his nose with his silk hankercheif
She stood over him while he wondered if?
Questioning how he had become such a churl

Then he stood up and told her straight
Well you know Your mother and me, we thought it'd be great
If we could give you a constant reminder of God's love
So we gave you that name and we thought it good
Thought it help you do the things you should
So It's the name your mom and me thought of

He went on to stay in front of the whole crowd
'Even though you hate me you still make me proud'
So hear me out, and listen to this piece of advice
You need to think about forgiving me
I'm so sorry for all of my inhumanities
But I'm still not sorry for naming you 'Christ'

After breaking down and saying she was done
She would tell her father, she too wanted a son
So she took him up on his fatherly advice
And now they're starting to really click
With her new boyfriend whose name is Dick
And as soon as they have a son, they think they're gonna name him
Clint or Butch! Anything for Christ's sake