Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Big Blonde"

Original Song Title:

"Big John"

Original Performer:

Jimmy Dean

Parody Song Title:

"Big Blonde"

Parody Written by:

Elaine Nash-Putnam & Honor Nash-Putnam

The Lyrics

Every mornin' at the mall you'd see her arrive.
She stood 6'2", and weighed 145.
With a generous bust, a little wide at the hip,
Everybody knew she knew her lip---stick.
Big Blonde!

Nobody seemed to know where the Blonde called home.
She just drove to the mall, and shopped all alone.
She didn't say much as she passed you by.
She couldn't catch the escalator, but she sure did try!!
Big Blonde.

Big Blonde, Big Blonde, Big Dumb Blonde!

Somebody said she ruined her Gucci jeans
When she got in a fight with a Wal-Mart Queen.
But a crashing blow with the Macy's bag in her hand
Sent that coupon clipper to Outletland!
Big Blonde!

Then came the day that was the end of the line.
The Sale signs came down, and merchants started cryin'.
Managers were prayin', and hearts beat fast
As the register closed, buyers charged their last-
Except the blonde.

Big Blonde! Big Blonde. Big Dumb Blonde!

Through the dust and the rush of that Closeout Day sale
Stepped a giant of a woman that the shoppers knew well!
From the back of the store she gave out a groan,
And dove for the checkout, like she was in there alone.
Big Blonde!


With all her strength she gave a mighty shove
And grabbed three dresses, sure to fit like a glove!
And twenty teary women left, all tryin' to be brave.
Now there's only one left in there to save- 'cept
the Blonde!

Big Blonde, Big Blonde, Big Dumb Blonde!




From stairs and elevators they started lookin' around.
Then came a sob from way above ground!
As shrieks and cries from the mall office climbed,
Everybody knew she'd hit the limit- on her credit line!
Big Blonde.

Well, they never reopened that worthless account.
They just put a "cancelled" stamp by the 'zero' amount.
And these few words, she cried out, vexed:
"I can't be broke!- I still have checks!"
Big Blonde.

Big Blonde, Big Blonde, Big Dumb Blonde!
Copyright 2001 Elaine Nash-Putnam and Honor Nash-Putnam

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   5
 4
 4
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Joey Tribbiani - January 11, 2005 - Report this comment
This is a very dumb song. I'm not blonde, and I'm stoopid, I meen stuped, oh foreget it.
alvin rhodes - January 11, 2005 - Report this comment
excellent parody....screamingly funny..5s PLUS
Billy Boyd - January 11, 2005 - Report this comment
This was definately good for a chuckle. 5's.
Michael Pacholek - January 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, Joey, considering your new show's ratings... How YOU doin'?

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/jimmydean5.shtml For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 692