Every morning when I wake, I'm glad to see he's alive
He can take his licks and has a whole lotta' drive
Kinda' long of the neck and thick at the head
Guess you'd call him a redneck, cause his neck is red, Big Dick
(Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)

Well, everybody knows where Dick comes from
He gets into doin' push ups, likes to work out some
He's only got one eye, but it's an evil one
And when he gets excited, him and the gals have fun, Big Dick
(Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)

Now, we're pretty close, I guess you might say
And well, we're sort of attached, in a particular way
We each do our own thing, until occasions arise
He's known to hang out with two round chubby guys, Big Dick
(Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)

A week ago he fell sick..with a Cialis hard attack
It brought on a slight stroke, but lately, good ones are back
And once, he got in a tussle,.over a Cajun Queen
He got licked by that gal..She said her name was Jolene, (Jolene)

Hasn't gotta' lotta' hobbies, sort of a lay-back galoot
But, at times, he deep she-dives in a tight rubber suit
And Dick has courteous manners, a polite little pup
Whenever ladies enter a room, he's the first to stand up, Big Dick
(Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)

Made a doctor's visit, when he caught bad bugs
Never drinks, at all, but has been seen between jugs
He's not the show-off kind, who'll wear a bunch a' bling bling
But, now and again, he's known to slip on a ring, Big Dick
(Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)

Some call him by a nickname, like Willie, Woody, or Fred
And although, he's not a golfer, he's a real Tiger in bed
Likes to watch exotic ladies play and pose around a pole,
Stays away from investing, always winds up in the hole..Big Dick
(Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)

Dick never talks at all, he's kind a' quiet and shy
Ya' wouldn't call him a joiner, but he's a member at the "Y"
There are times, we double up out on the tennis court
Hell, he's the best friend I got, I give him all my support, Big Dick
(Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)

FADE (Big Dick, Big Dick) Big Bad Dick (Big Dick)