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Song Parodies -> "Guys and Lovers"

Original Song Title:

"Wives and Lovers"

Original Performer:

Jack Jones

Parody Song Title:

"Guys and Lovers"

Parody Written by:

Juliana Sadock Savino

The Lyrics

A favorite tune. The lyrics? Wellll... A friend's comments about Mad Men reminded me of a song. It may be the best jazz waltz ever written, saddled by the all-time lyrics from hell. Of course I'm referring to the Bachrach/David "Wives and Lovers." The Lifetime ad for "Desperate Housewives" features it, sung beguilingly by Jack Jones, but really, it could be the theme song for "Mad Men" in all its sexist glory. Give it this, it is a snapshot of an era, in a song. What can I do? I can demolish it, to wit:
Hey, Mister Guy, Take your feet off the sofa.
Soon she will open the door.
Don't think because There's a ring on your finger,
Your socks can stay on the floor.

For guys should always be lovers, too.
Run the Hoover vac before she comes home to you.
I'm warning you.

Day after day, There are men at the office,
And gals will always be gals.
Don't think she hangs
With the dudes at the cooler,
She's going out with her pals.

For guys should always be lovers, too.
Run a Calgon bath the moment she comes home to you.
She's almost here.

Hey, Mister Man, Better shave, take a shower.
Clean up good and you might really wow her.
Drop the remote, Zip your pants, clean the kitchen.
Time to get ready for love.

Oh, time to get ready,
Time to get ready,
Time to get ready For love.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - February 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Juliana - To wit, you did! Nice twist on a fine but horribly outdated song. Nicely done. ;D
Ted - July 15, 2015 - Report this comment
I don't know how long you've had this parody online but it's a riot! I really dig that era (in which I was born) --- the midcentury modern architecture, the fashion, the cars, the social mores (referring to more civility; say what you will about the horrible sexism & racism back in the day, but still). When my wife donned a retro apron she'd found in the house and joked with me how I "wish I had a '50s wife", I dug up the lyrics online which I didn't fully remember....then Wikipedia'd it, which, incredibly, makes no passing comment about its sexist tone. So I Googled "Wives & Lovers + sexism" and voila, here we are. Same thing with old shows like The Honeymooners (which admittedly I've always loved): if Hollywood tried to put a married couple on TV like that today ("Bang, zoom, pow!") they'd be [rightly] crucified. I'm gonna cut & paste your lyrics for her to enjoy; fair trade. And maybe it makes me look not quite so bad, by comparison.......
juliana - September 16, 2015 - Report this comment
Glad you got a kick out of it. I come from a long line of people who live to crack one another up.
Very good! - March 12, 2017 - Report this comment
I was a young girl when this song was popular, and it described a marriage that was SO not like my parents.' My mom was a harried '50s housewife with three daughters and the occasional bout of depression, and our dad went to work every day and came home reliably at 6:15. It was and is inconceivable to me that our dad would ever just disappear because my mom didn't get all dolled up to see him off every morning. I don't see how this song applies to parents. So I never cared for this song.
Special Delivery - March 13, 2017 - Report this comment
^ her mom was doing the milkman :))
Emily E - March 21, 2018 - Report this comment
Would you be okay with me using these lyrics in a performance setting? I too love this song but cannot stomach the lyrics.
juliana - August 26, 2018 - Report this comment
yes! Sorry of this is too late!

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