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Song Parodies -> "No Silk Today"

Original Song Title:

"No Milk Today"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Herman's Hermits

Parody Song Title:

"No Silk Today"

Parody Written by:

Lifeliver

The Lyrics

Those cuddly Mancurians Herman and co. inspired this complementary piece to my other post today on the same theme.

NO SILK TODAY

No silk today, my love I've wrapped away
His cobweb hangs forlorn, dew glistening in the dawn
No silk today, he can no longer bite
But insects flying by don't know the reason why

How could they know just what this martyr means
The source of eggy hopes and all my eggy dreams
How could they know the banquet there had been
Gossamer core wherein I reign as queen

No silk today, he satisfied me so
How men must have their way, for dinner he did stay

But all that's left is a niche dark and lonely
Neglected house, crumbling ceiling, back of town
Becomes a shrine as I dine on him only
Hanging upside down

No milk we spray, invertebrates are so
Survival's cruel way, find protein where we may
Our bodies swayed, he thought he'd take a chance
He tried to jump for France, I caught him in advance

How could he know he'd be my pork and beans
To fuel my eggy hopes and nourish eggy dreams
How could he know those fatal nuptial scenes
Lactrodectus males don't make it past their teens

Man will come play, and try to get away
To honey pot they're drawn, one bite and they are gawn

Now all I'm left is a web dark and lonely
An empty house with my mean streak of renown
Here I lie, 'Please come in' for him only
I'll soon wolf him down

My silk, tooshay! He tried to get away
Discarded pile of porn before his kids were born
As we sashayed, I feinted second right
Steadied with third left and nipped in with a bite

How good they grow, my little spiderlings
(Ones I don't eat, the tasty little things)
How could they know the feast their dad had been
Cannibal whore, your local nightmare queen

No silk today, my love has paid his 'ho
It was his fate to pay, his lust got in his way

Now all that's left is a space dark and lonely
Condemned old house with the walls all falling down
Oh all that's left is a place with me only
A single spouse with my babies all around
Oh all bereft of our dear daddy homely
I'll lightly pounce on the next john to be found …

Original recording on YouTube.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 2.8
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   1
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 5   1
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User Comments

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Meriadoc - December 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Uh! I cannot believe no comments on this one. it's eggcellent, eggspecially the eggy hopes and eggy dreams.

One question though - should gawn be gnawn?

Lifeliver - December 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks Merry, glad somebody thinks so. It was better than the other spider-spoof, I thought, not nec in quality, but a more substantial OS to play with. Yes, I meant 'gawn', a Brit pron variant of gone, as in 'You're gawn, mate' (you've had it, buster). I guess to AIRheads sheep shagging is more tasteful than arachnidian amour.
Before anyone points it out, 'Mancurian' in the intro should read 'Mancunian'. Peter Noone is from Manchester, not China!

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