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Song Parodies -> "Hairylegs the Eighth"

Original Song Title:

"I'm Henry the VIII I Am"

Original Performer:

Herman's Hermits

Parody Song Title:

"Hairylegs the Eighth"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The dozen or so species of the Lacrodectus genus may be found in every continent except Antarctica. In the USA they are known as 'black widows', in Australia 'redbacks' and in Africa as 'button' spiders. They are notorious for their sexual cannibalism. All have distinctive markings on the abdomen underside which vary from yellowy-ocher to a vivid red.

Coloration, size, toxicity and behavior varies, but sexual dimorphism is strong in all species. Males are about half the size of females, and considerably less potent or aggressive. Though these arachnids are dangerous, fatalities are rare among healthy adult humans with appropriate treatment. Children, invalids and allergy sufferers may fare worse, though.

The song, a no.1 novelty hit in the 60s, was a music hall (vaudeville) staple written in 1911, according to one YT source.

I'm hairylegs, I ate my man
Lactrodectus M. is what I am
Mandibles mashed male widder next door
He dodged mandies seven times before
Needed a wee copulatory
He was led by his willy to a jam
I'm aroused for one more matery
In he went the eighth time - wham!

Second verse, gets even worse …

I'm hairylegs-of-eight on man
Any weedy mate I span and cram
I done dallied with the spidder next door
Too long tarried at my silky core
Red badge of courage on ebony
Gobbled up my silly little fan (dead Dan)
I loved that boy like an enemy
He became my eggs and ham

(guitar break)

I'm a venomous and hungry ma'am
Cannibal sexmate, don't give a damn
Little runt parried at my sticky trap door
Cached and carried, he will weave no more
But though I am very venomy
I wouldn't have a Frodo or a Sam
For they are the Dark Lord's nemesy
In my gut a sword they'll ram

Come to me (come to me)
Stay for tea (stay for tea)
Hairylegs the eighth, I'm fam, I am
Come and be my tender lamb

original recording on YouTube here.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   4

User Comments

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WarrenB - December 10, 2012 - Report this comment
What a lovely tail spun of romance, betrothal, and cannibalism. Did you do your research on the web?
Jonathan - December 10, 2012 - Report this comment
good one man! 5's
Leough - December 10, 2012 - Report this comment
555! Ah, the things we do for love!
Meriadoc - December 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Let's see - 'copulatory', 'eggs and ham' - excellent. But you missed out on your chance to creatively do the H! E! N! R! Y! part.
Lifeliver - December 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks for v/c to Warren, Jonathan, Leough. The notes were just Wiki'd, combined with a few experiences with the Australian variety. One time I was rummaging through some dead wood and noticed three on my bare arm.
@Meriadoc: Hmm, yeah, I guess that's partly why I got 1'd for pacing. Unfortunate oversight. How about 'Ouch! Eeh! Hen, ah, why?'
Meriadoc - December 11, 2012 - Report this comment
'Ouch! Eeh! Hen, ah, why?'

I love it! Charlotte would approve too!

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